Author: Tai Fenix Kulystin Page 49 of 66

The Cactus

On September 2, 2008

This was written by my wonderful Dominus. I think it’s beautiful (of course I would, it’s about us) and so I wanted to share it with you.

He and I have talked about him doing guest posts on here, which I was going to make this one except he preferred it if I posted it as a quote from him rather than having him post it from his account. Hopefully we shall see a few posts from him in the near-to-distant future.

The Cactus

The Desert almost claimed me

This salted Wasteland
So barren in its Homogeny

I withered

And to survive
I became a Cactus
A natural part of the Desert

Yet not letting anyone past my spikes

And I endured

Until I saw the Lotus
Stubbornly refusing
To wither under the heat

Unwilling to become part of the Desert
Reminding me that even a Cactus

Can bloom

Review: Nea by LELO

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On September 1, 2008

In Sex Toy Love

The Nea by Lelo may very well be my new favorite toy. I am absolutely in love with Lelo, so when they offered me a toy of theirs I had a hard time deciding which one to get because I want them all. There is no Lelo pleasure object that I wouldn’t own. They are all gorgeous and unique in their own ways, and I highly encourage you to check out their entire line of pleasure objects. Go ahead, I’ll still be here when you get back.

I like to take everything about a toy into account in my review and desire of it, not just the vibration or how well it gets me off. Although vibration and orgasm intensity are both extremely important (why else do we buy vibrators, right?) most toys can bring me to orgasm with enough time or effort on my part. Sometimes I want a longer work-up to orgasm not just the wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am intensity of the Hitachi, so intensity is not always the only thing I look for.

I take all the aesthetics and features into mind when reviewing a toy, and the greatest testament to my desire of it is not how well it got me off but how likely I am to use it again, and Nea has become my number one toy to use both for solo and partner play. I love everything about it: the design, the ease of use and light-up display, the chargeability, the size, the shape, the feel, and (of course) the vibration.

Nea comes in a pretty black storage box along with a charger, a satin pouch for traveling, warranty information (Lelo gives a one year warranty standard with all of their toys), and an instruction manual. Not many toys come with an instruction manual, and if they do there’s usually not more than a page of pretty basic instructions. Nea’s manual, however, includes not only basic information about the pleasure object (such as basic features, and charging, cleaning, and vibration information) but also troubleshooting information and specifications. The manual informs us that Nea is made from PC-ABS (Polycarbonate-Acrylonitrile/butadiene/styrene blend) which is a phthalate-free thermoplastic and completely safe to use.

There is a LED strip around each of the buttons that lights up when you press them, which can be handy in a dark room. It also changes color from white to red if Nea’s batteries are running out, alerting you to plug her in to charge, blinking while she’s charging and then solid white when she’s charged up and ready to go. It takes just two hours of waiting to charge her up for a full seven hours of pleasure.

The added benefit of being able to charge the Nea also means that you will never have to change the batteries, meaning no batteries to use and throw away, and you’ll never have to search the house for new batteries to put in it mid-masturbation (something I’ve done a number of times). Lelo also sells the chargers separately in case something happens to the one included.

Another neat feature Nea has is the ability to lock the vibrator by pressing both buttons at once until the LED light turns off, which is definitely handy if you are planning on carrying it with you anywhere. Normally if I’m flying with vibrators I take the batteries out of them before packing them, but this is not possible with chargeable toys like Nea, so having the option to lock it is definitely handy. That way you don’t have to worry about Nea turning on accidentally in your bag, being confiscated by baggage handlers at the airport, or anything like that.

Unlike her nearly identical counterpart Lily (which has more of a silken matte finish) Nea is smooth and sleek, likened to porcelain by Lelo, a description I agree with. Nea sports a gorgeous delicate flower design on one side and two buttons on the underside, as you can see in the image above. Images of Nea can be deceiving, however, one would imagine from her pictures that she is the same size as the LayaSpot perhaps, which is four inches in length, but Nea is much smaller, only about two and a half inches. Small and adorable, just over the size of a bullet vibrator, made perfectly for clitoral stimulation.

This brings me to Nea’s shape, which I find to be absolutely perfect. She nestles just right, the rounded bottom of the toy against my thumb for button-pressing, my thumb resting against my mons, while the pointed end of Nea presses just right against my clit and VCH piercing, eliciting sighs and moans of pleasure. It has just the right curve to make it easy to get to just the right place, and while she is small she is easy to hold on to and maneuver about.

Nea‘s two buttons control both the intensity and type of vibration. In addition to the regular continuous vibration which all vibrators have, she also has four additional vibration pulses, three steady pulses of various speeds (called “extended interval pulsation,” “itermediate interval pulsationd ,” and “short interval pulsation” in the manual) as well as a roller coaster vibration effect (called “before & after”). I enjoy cycling through the programs and playing with the Nea on various parts of both my and Dominus’ body not just my clit.

I found the vibrations to be nice and strong but not extra super strong. While the Nea is able to bring me to orgasm it does require a little bit of rubbing on my part, which I don’t mind. Even when playing with the Hitachi I need to add a little bit of movement myself, it’s just the way my clit likes it, but the Nea definitely takes longer to get me off than the Hitachi. While the vibrations are strong I wouldn’t recommend Nea for those of you who need Hitachi-strength vibrations to get off. However, Nea can be a wonderful teasing toy if the goal isn’t to get off, and if you are looking for a gorgeous clitoral vibrator and don’t need that much strength Nea would be perfect for you (as it is for me)

There’s just nothing quite like the Nea well, except her sister toy Lily. Nea has made me a Lelo addict! I fantasize about someday having every Lelo toy happily residing in my toybox. There’s just no substitute for the quality of pleasure Lelo’s pleasure objects bring.

Semantics Sunday: Fagette

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 31, 2008

In Discourse, Gender Galaxy

One of my new favorite words, one which I’m even considering adding to my long list of labels up on the masthead, I’ve already added it to my gender description. I first encountered the term in the Fagette video by Athens Boys Choir which is absolutely lovely, hilarious, wonderful, and perfect.

Doing a search on google for faggette brings up over 18,600 results which are a mixture of pages with the Athens Boys Choir video on them or linked, personal profiles like myspace or digg, information for people with the last name of Fagette, some is information about La Fagette, France, and random other things. Aside from the video I’m interested in the Urban Dictionary definition of fagette which reads:

A lesbian or a woman that displays either a masculine or feminine attitudes, mannerisms, and dress depending on their whim at the moment.
At the Lesbian Club, Cheri was such a fagette that she was receiving looks of interest from both the Butch and Femme crowd.

As opposed to the simple other definitions: 1. A gay frenchman. Derived from “faggot” and “baguette.” 2. A female homosexual/lesbian. I would say I prefer the first definition of fagette(s) from UD instead of the other for fagette.

Further, I would propose my own definition (as that’s what this post is all about, right?) which brings it slightly away from sexuality, though I would say queer is a necessity as I believe queerness and gender have some sort of link together but queer doesn’t always have to do with who one sleeps with. I really like the “depending on their whim at the moment” part of the definition, and I think that is key for my own feelings and adoption of this label.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my boi side, especially since reading The Leather Daddy and the Femme since it is so amazing and is a queer femme who also dresses as a boi, who has both aspects (genders) within her and plays with both and in between. I have been feeling more of my boi side lately, but also enjoying and analyzing my femme side, yet another “switch” label for me to inhabit, perhaps, switching from boi to femme and back again and everywhere in between.

It’s often difficult to not have a definite place in this gender galaxy, or to be circling around more than one sun. At the same time it’s very freeing, because through embracing these specific labels I am able to then open up my own gender expression to fit inside or outside of the gender lines as I see fit. Just like I feel it’s sometimes necessary to restrict something or go to one extreme in order to find where you really feel comfortable, and I’ve had to do that.

Back to my definition of fagette. Basically I think of it as a queer who mixes masculinity and fem(me)ininity and creates their own version of both, whether their biology is male or female. I know it’s a rather open-ended definition, but I think gender is open-ended in some ways, a lot more open-ended than society would like us to believe anyway. A fagette can look like Athens Boys Choir: a boy with a vagina, or a bio-female drag queen, or like Miranda/Randy of The Leather Daddy and the Femme, or all sorts of other configurations. There’s something about femme masculinity in it (not to be confused with female masculinity), which seems contradictory, in any way but I’m talking simply gender and not biological sex.

There’s a type of femme which can only be achieved by mixing a little masculinity in, I think, the drag queen is a drag queen because it’s putting a feminine gender on the socially “wrong” body, but a similar gender is difficult to achieve when you are putting a similar gender expression, drag queen, on the socially “correct” body. Fagette is recognizing that wrongness, that queerness, and embracing it.

It doesn’t come out as femme drag queen for everyone, that’s just my experience of fagette, having to map it onto my identity in order to have it fit. It’s similar to what I mean by “femme drag queen,” the purposeful combining of femmeininity and masculinity in order to create a new gender all my own, an androgyny that doesn’t come out looking primarily masculine as most androgyny does.

Fagette is not limited to the gender expression “drag queen” as some drag queens are not fagettes, but some fagettes are drag queens. Fagette can encompass any gender which is a mixture of femme and fag (I believe).

Relationships End and Other Fears

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 31, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

Everything I know about relationships means that Dominus’ and mine will never last. At some point we will find that we no longer fit together like we once did. Is it logic or fear that is telling me that? Sometimes I’m not sure. I don’t completely believe it, but I don’t not believe it.

Part of me can’t imagine a reason for ever needing to leave, and that in and of itself scares me. We are both solidly committed to the growth of the other, of bettering the life of the other, and we are both poly, so I can’t see myself ever needing to leave him for someone else as there are other wonderful poly people out there and I’m sure some or many of them are compatible with me/us.

I read about people who have been together for long periods of time and I wonder how they do it. Maybe it is because all of my immediate examples of relationships just tell me that things don’t always work out the way they should. I’ve grown up with the idea that people fall apart and love isn’t always enough replaying over and over in the relationships I’ve witnessed. My experience of relationships is such that I question commitment.

I know this is typical, I do have a degree in Psychology after all and I’ve read about attachment theories and imprinting of relationship patterns and all of that. I can point out the way that this is both logical (for my brain) and fear-driven but it wouldn’t necessarily be logical for anyone else, because it’s the way my brain works. I also continually compare my relationship with Stian to my sister’s first big relationship, because in some ways they are eerily similar and even though in other ways they’re worlds apart it’s easier for me to see the similarities… that is a bit of a side-note though.

I feel like I’ve been running hot and cold lately, and I’m not sure what to do about it. There are some days when I can’t imagine my life without him and there are others that I can’t imagine being with him forever or even for long. My sex drive has been rather diminished lately, and I’m not quite sure of the cause. I’ve been playing with toys for reviewing, and we’ve had sex just not a lot recently, and not as much as I have been before.

It all comes back to my preset ideas about relationships as well as my general unhappiness with my bodily health and living in SLC. I’m working to change the two big things I’m unhappy with, but for an instant-gratification junkie like me it is difficult to have the two big things making me depressed both not being able to be fixed quickly. In order to change my unhappiness with my bodily health I’m having to change the way I think about everything regarding what I put in and do with my body, but the big changes will take a lot of time. In order to move out of SLC we have to wait until we have the money to do it.

As for my preset ideas about relationships… well, we’ve been living together for two years, we’ve been together for over three, and I’ve been thinking about that a lot, since we just had two of our anniversaries within the last month or so. My relationship fearing brain tells me that we have been together for a long time and that means our time must be running out. I worry that because we’re not having sex that means he no longer desires me, which means he’s growing tired of me, which means he may reject me, which means my fears about relationships ending are somehow validated. When in reality I know he is tired from working so much and that if I initiated sex we would have it, I’m usually the one who initiates and I haven’t been lately first because I haven’t been feeling very sexy, and now because I don’t feel very desired.

The catch, of course, is that because I feel he doesn’t desire me as much I’ve been pulling away from him. I’ve been not initiating sex even when I want it, I’ve been waiting to see if he will take the initiative while at the same time knowing that he’s tired from working his butt off most of the week and that he’s feeling me pull away which makes it less likely he will initiate anything, and my pulling away means that he pulls away because I’m pulling away… basically it’s a cycle that is never-ending until we talk about it and it’s hard to talk about when we’re in the middle of it.

That’s what this post is for, though. This is my way of processing the situation and getting to a place where I understand it enough to bring it up and talk about it. This is the first step towards change: realizing the problem on my side so that we can talk about it and come to a resolution. We talked a little the other night about things that have been bothering us, but we didn’t get to the heart of the issue. Most of our problems come down to the same things: we both have a huge fear of rejection and we both have highly developed defense systems. Put those two together and we get into these cycles which will go on until one of us brings it up. One of us meaning me.

Basically what I’m saying is: I need to go ask him to come into the bedroom on our new red satin sheets (which we have yet to fuck on) and play, touch, tease, flog, and fuck our brains out.

Kinky Sex Link

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 31, 2008

In Power Play, Sex Blogging

As I’ve mentioned before this has been my summer for collaborative projects. Coming into the summer I wasn’t involved in any, but now I’m in three different ones, all with their own allure. I’m really excited to be part of these group blogs. I’ve already talked about the other two projects, and so it’s time to talk about Kinky Sex Link.

From the info page:

Kinky Sex Link is a collaborative effort made up of the best BDSM and Fetish Bloggers and Authors we could find. So you get to read different kink bloggers on just one site.

And that is not all! There is a monthly KONTEST too! The top 6 commented post of each month will be republished on the KSL Kontest page. Consider it the Kinky Cream of the Crop Listing. Out of that list of 6 posts I WANT YOU to comment on your favorite. At the end of each month 1 commenter’s name will be drawn randomly and he/she will win the prize provided by FunseXXXtoys.

There are lots of fantastic kink bloggers who are participating in KSL, some of my favorites as well as many I didn’t know until this project began. You can peruse the list of bloggers on the KSL Bios page.

I’m sure all the other KSL bloggers are fantastic as well, I just haven’t taken the time to read -all- of them (there are quite a few), but a couple fellow KSL bloggers that I just started reading and I really have been enjoying are: Dark, Deep, & Deviant by Amber, who I have gotten to know a bit on FetLife, she’s a fellow greeter and simply fantastic, and I’ve been enjoying reading her since I found her blog; the other is Princess by Day… Slut by Night by VioletX. I actually found her blog via FetLife before knowing that we would both be contributing to KSL, her blog is fairly new, I’ve read most of her entries and have enjoyed them.

I’ve only posted once to KSL, a cross-post from here, but I have many more posts up my sleeve, as always. Some posts I will cross-post from here, some I may cross-post to here, and some may just be KSL exclusives.

Library Request Activism

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 30, 2008

In Sexuality

Found here at Queers United

Inspired by a right-wing blog I read that was advocating for their readers to request “ex-gay” books for their local libraries I decided to post a reverse entry.

Your local library is about serving the community, they want to carry books and videos that their residents want.

They have a suggestion box or email form, why not go ahead and list some good queer political books, coming out resource guides, and queer history books to be added to the shelves?

In addition to requesting new books, make sure to take out the existing books on queer culture so that the libraries do not discontinue these books.

Many libraries have been forced to place LGBTQ books on high shelves due to community outcry, making it harder or virtually impossible for people to have access to them. Speak to the head librarian and demand that the books are visible and available for those who want them.

It seems like a wonderful idea to me, and I’ve checked the Salt Lake City Library for some authors and titles, and was pleasantly surprised at some of the things they have there, though not too surprised as SLC itself is pretty liberal and queer friendly. Best would be going to the library in one of the surrounding extremely conservative cities and doing this, and I’m placing it on my to do list.

I’ve had a somewhat sexless weekend despite it being our anniversary weekend, we just keep doing things other until we’re too tired to fuck. We did buy a fur flogger last night, which is “impact caressing” as Dominus dubbed it. I love it so much, plus it means I’ll get to flog him! I’m a fan. More later.

Kissyfaced Love HNT

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 28, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, Introspection

Click here for the larger version.

So, I’m cheating a little. This pic was taken a while ago, January of 2007 in fact, so a damn long ago considering what I am posting it for. Today marks two years that I’ve lived here in Salt Lake City. Exactly two years since I made the horrible decision to move to SLC but the wonderful decision to be with the wonderful partner, lover, friend, and Dominus I have here.

I wrote not too long ago about the first of our three anniversaries, the day we met face-to-face, and this is the second. The third comes in November, and we’ll get to that one when it comes.

I never planned on moving to Salt Lake City. I can’t say it was ever even remotely near my to-do list before meeting Stian, and it wasn’t on there until my birthday 2007. We had been planning on moving to Portland (or, I had been anyway). I needed to go to a different school in order to get the degrees I was wanting, and he wanted to get out of SLC, so it was a win-win situation. I applied and got into PSU and even got WUE there and everything. I was looking for apartments and working out all the moving details when I came to visit him here for my birthday.

Honestly, I had kind of a horrid time that visit. It wasn’t very long, but he had just taken a new job in the middle of our (my) planning on moving to Portland, and I felt like we didn’t have much alone time because of his roommate at the time. I was hurt and upset and needing to talk things over but we didn’t really have the time until it all came tumbling out late that night. I was upset, I cried, and we talked about our options. He suggested I could move to SLC, we checked out the U of U and they had the degrees I desired. I wasn’t really that excited about the idea in general, but I wanted to be with him.

I started warming up to the idea more when I went back to Ashland. The more I thought about it the more it worked, though going to the U was a problem. I decided first that I would wait until December, that I would take another quarter at SOU and then move to SLC after, giving me time to figure out all the school issues and more time at SOU instead of leaving so suddenly. That was the plan for a while, anyway, but as time drew on I was just so impatient to be with Stian (it had already been a year of being apart, after all) that I looked into getting here as soon as possible.

It was a whirlwind of only about four weeks from the time I decided I would move here to the time I arrived. I worked the night before, Sunday, until 2am and then caught a plane at 6am (6:18 if memory serves, yes, I did post this exactly at that time) and headed here. I had that Monday to get used to everything before having to start classes on Tuesday (though I had already missed the first three days of class). It happened very quickly, and although parts of me still wish I would have done things a little differently, the rest of me knows that it was the best thing to do with the options I had at the time.

I love Stian, my Dominus as I have been referring to him lately. While there are times when he drives me up the wall (as is to be expected in any relationship) those times are far less frequent than the rest of the time, when he is absolutely perfect. After three years of being together and now two years of living together with hardly any time apart I still love being with him, and I would do it all again in a second.

The Undead are Cumming

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 27, 2008

In Sexuality

“Braaaaaaaaains… I mean, peeeeniiiissssssssssss…”

How could I resist posting the clip from a gay zombie movie as found here on Queerty. When someone combines two of my favorite things and makes them just this hilarious, there’s no way I’m passing up posting about it.

This spoof trailer could easily be viewed in one of two ways: as social commentary on the idiocy of being scared of homosexuals as if we carry the plague or some other sort of disease (like zombie disease), poking fun at the stupidity of people who think that way; or it could be a reproduction of that fear. There is no real indication on their website that I can see, or on the YouTube info, but given that it’s comedy and obviously supposed to be a parody or spoof of a real zombie movie, which have been theorized to all be cautionary tales of becoming the “other” in society, I’d say it’s either meant to be a social commentary, or simply a happy accident.

I think it’s hilarious, and brilliant.

VibeReview Sent Me to New Toy Heaven!

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 26, 2008

In Sex Toy Love

It’s that time again! I’m excited to say that my next shipment from VibeReview is on it’s way. Currently I have just one more toy to review from them, Silicone Crystal Cote (and what a review that will be!), which should be coming to you shortly. But, having one toy left means I have a new shipment coming!

I’m currently enamored with all things Lelo since they were lovely enough to send me the Nea (review coming soon!), so I had to get something made by them in this shipment. I am very much looking forward to the Iris by Lelo, a wonderful g-spot vibrator from everything I have read, not to mention absolutely gorgeous! But, then, that’s not surprising, as all Lelo toys are gorgeous.

Along with the lovely Iris I am getting another vibrator, the Odyssey Tickler which looks like a lot of sensational fun, and is completely waterproof, which means shower time, especially shared showers, may be getting a little more exciting (not that they weren’t already). I’ve only ever had one other waterproof vibrator, and it’s been quite a while since she broke down on me, so it’s definitely time to bring another one into the house.

I am also receiving a gorgeous new harness, the Hardcore Harness all corset-backed and sexy black leather. I’ve been lusting after a new harness for some time, while I do love my terra firma harness it’s the only one I’ve ever had. The Hardcore Harness seems potentially perfect, easy to femme up with my black leather corset and fishnets, or include it in a butch king outfit of black denim and a leather jacket or pinstripes.

To go with The Hardcore Harness, in addition to the strap-on compatible dildos I already have, I’m recieving the gorgeous Bandito (in black, I believe, though the purple is pretty as well) and Celestial Perfection, which I’m

desperately hoping will live up to it’s name. Both dildos are 100% silicone, not to mention curved nicely and absolutely gorgeous. One black, one white, there could be some interesting play regarding that. Reading The Leather Daddy and the Femme has put a lot of wonderful (pegging) ideas into my head, and I’ll be happy to try them out with my new toys.

Last, but not least, are the two restraint toys I’m looking forward to. The Under the Bed Restraint system which has absolutely glowing reviews on VibeReview and could easily become a permanent fixture to our bed should they be as good as they say. The Dominus and I don’t do a whole lot of restraining other than mental and the occasional bondage tape, but it’s not for lack of desire.

The final item on the list is a very simple toywhich I’m almost ashamed to say we don’t have one of already (though I did used to have a chain leash, which I lent to a friend and never got back–but that was before Dominus and I were together), a Leather Leash. Simple, sexy, stylish, oh yes, and something I’m looking forward to trying out. I’ve always enjoyed (and hated) the idea of being led around on a leash, or, more recently, leading around another (though I’m lacking the partner for that activity), and I have a feeling it will be very enjoyable.

And, of course, as usual: don’t forget about clicking on the Obama for President Coupon to receive 10% your next order!

Review: The Silver Bullet

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On August 25, 2008

In Sex Toy Love

Don’t forget to click on The Obama for President Coupon so that you can get 10% off your next order with VibeReview!

I love clitoral vibrators, especially if they are affordable and strong, and The Silver Bullet is just that. Bullets have a dear place in my heart, as the first vibrator I ever bought was a bullet. I was visiting my sister in Seattle and she took me to Babeland (then Toys in Babeland), she and a few friends were taking one of their co-workers to buy her first sex toy, and I had just gotten in to town, so I tagged along. It was glorious. I remember being completely awe-struck, I wandered around, looked at books that I desired like Screw the Roses, Send me the Thornes and, though I did desire a rabbit, I went for a more affordable choice: a glow in the dark bullet vibe. It was fantastic, and I remember loving it… a lot.

As a bullet vibe was my first ever sex toy all those years ago (aside from my hand, of course) bullets are forever near and dear to my heart. They are wonderfully inexpensive, but can pack a strong punch, and The Silver Bullet does just that, not to mention the silver bullet is metal, as opposed to other plastic bullets, which means it takes temperatures nicely, you can warm it in your hands or cool it down with some ice for fun sensation play. The vibrations of the bullet are strong, pleasant, and concentrated at the tip of the bullet, just where I like it.

The strongest selling points, aside from the power for the price, is the ease of maneuverability and versatility. You can do just about anything with this toy, and I should know, I used my glow-in-the-dark bullet anywhere I could find a use for it since a bullet was the only toy I had for quite some time. Anything that small is just perfect to get exactly where you want it, great for clitoral or perineum stimulation.

Bullets are also great for anal play for those who just like something small up there (as long as you use a condom with the bullet so it’s easier to get out, and never ever ever pull the bullet out by the cord, pull it out by the condom). They can also be used for discreet public play, the bullet nestled right against the clit and the controls in your pocket. Partner play is enhanced with the bullet as well, since it’s small it’s easy to get in between bodies, with either partner holding the controls.

There’s an endless amount of fun you can have with bullets, and since they’re so affordable and versatile I believe every sex toy lovin’ home should have at least one. The Silver Bullet is one of the toys I plan on always having around and I believe it will never go out of style.

Psst… be sure to click on the The Obama for President Coupon to get 10% off your next order!