Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Rolling Around My Brain

A few quick thoughts tonight. I feel like I have so much to write about and so much to do lately that I’m not really getting anything done, which irritates me. More posts to come!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote lately, from PoMoSexuals “Identity Sedition and Pornography” by Pat Califia p. 88 emphasis mine:

Just to set the record straight: I am a female-bodied person who writes about every kind of person I can imagine. Although I briefly contemplated sex reassignment when I was much younger, I decided that would not resolve my gender conflicts. I’m never sure if I have a gender dysphoria or species dysphoria. I often try to explain that I’m really a starfish trapped in a human body and I’m very new to your planet. Or that in fact I am a woman trapped in a man’s body, which really confuses other people but makes sense to me.

It’s fitting where I feel I fit, where I’ve felt for a while. The drag queen masculine femininity that I cling to, the femme fagette in me that is starting to come out even more. I’ve found a better way to express it lately I think, which is making me indescribably joyful, and I’m discovering more about it too, which makes me even more happy.

Onyx and I went into Babeland tonight and looked around. I pointed out toys I wanted, toys that are (hopefully) coming to me soon, and things like that. I had my first encounter with Mr. Bendy while looking at dildos and soft packs and he’s seriously lustable! I kind of (very much) want one, great for packing and playing, which I like.

I’m toying with the idea of packing more often, but as I primarily wear skirts and dresses I would need a soft pack or a cock like Mr. Bendy that will stay bent.

The other thoughts rolling around my brain is that Femmeinist Fucktoy isn’t resonating with me as much as it used to. It went down when I discovered my switchness however long ago, as fucktoy is a very bottom-centric term, and it’s gone down again now that fagette is a larger part of my identity as well.

I also don’t talk as much about feminist-oriented things as I thought I would when I started this blog. Granted, I do believe that talking about gender and sexuality is a feminist act, but that’s not quite the same as being a feminist blog.

My point in bringing this up is that I’m pondering changing the name, and therefore also the URL of the blog. It’s easyish to transition to another URL and name, but what I’m thinking of changing it to is Femme Fagette.

In talking with Onyx about this he mentioned that naming the blog after an identity might not be the best thing to do, as my identities tend to fluctuate rapidly. While I agree with that I feel like this identity will stay around for a while, but I don’t really know that for sure. Thoughts?


Size & Sexuality Study – Dee


Needles and Hooks (HNT)


  1. I don’t really think fucktoy is a bottoming term at all. But I certainly understand when things just don’t click with you as much as they used to. It certainly saddens me.

    Adriana’s last blog post: Too bad my birthday isn’t tomorrow!

  2. I think it’s hard NOT to name a blog after an identity, y’know? We’ve all done it. Even your current blog name is an identity. Of course, that’s the great thing about the Interwebz – domains are fairly easily changed. :D

    And you know I’m up for Femme Fagette! I love it!

    Amber’s last blog post: A Call for Candy

  3. @Adriana, I suppose that depends on context and definition, and also the reason I chose the title, which was before I embraced my switchyness. While fucktoys undoubtedly have power, so do bottoms, and it’s difficult to separate the term fucktoy with being used, since that’s often the association. Maybe that’s just me. I’d love to hear your ideas/interpretation/definition of it.

    What saddens you? When things don’t click as much as they used to, or the prospect of me changing my blog?

  4. @Amber, You’re very right, I think, though the fact that my blog is currently an identity is possibly an ally to his case, considering I do want to change it, heh. But, then, even thinking of possible non-identity domains (which is difficult) I come up with things like which itself is liable to change since I may stop identifying with the name I’ve chosen for myself at any given time. Alas, there may be no way to escape it and I may just have to embrace it (which isn’t really that bad). Though, the biggest negative, I think, is that too much changing around of names and things is inconsistent and could spoil readership. I feel like this identity is going to be with me for a while, but I’ve thought that about others as well. I think I’m solidifying more in my identities, but I could also change that later. Who knows! I’m rambling now…

  5. @Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek, Thanks for the reply. I guess fucktoy isn’t a word I would use within the context of power exchange. It’s more of an equal term. As for saddened, not being able to connect with things anymore. I always feel a bit displaced when someone no longer suits me.

    Adriana’s last blog post: Woe is me!

  6. @Adriana, Ah, yes, that makes sense. I suppose since I embraced ‘fucktoy’ as part of my cuntpet identity that is why I have a difficult time untangling it from power exchange. I agree with feeling a bit displaced, though I think the sadness of something not fitting me is often overshadowed with the realization of something that fits better, at least that’s the current situation. Definitely depends on the context, though (as with everything, right? ;D ).

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