Author: Tai Fenix Kulystin Page 59 of 66

Submission and Coffee

On April 10, 2008

I’m mentioned in the most recent (April 11th) edition of Submission and Coffee by ThornDaddy and Dollie Llama, as they say it: “a weekly (or whenever we feel like it) educational BDSM couple’s cast with discussions and demonstrations of D/s, bondage techniques, practice, safety and theory; as well as love, shoes, marriage, life in the suburbs, literature, illiterature, cats, travel, and more.”

And wow, am I flattered! My friend illustratedtart over at Under This Benevolent Dictatorship was mentioned as well, as she is awesome, and always posts interesting things. They found my blog via her, I believe.

Passion is the Source of Our Finest Moments

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 9, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, a Relationship: Kat & glen, Polyamory

Lots has been going on… where to start?

I’ll start with posting about Master and me. Since the last post specifically about us we have been doing a lot better. We’re in the stage we were at the end of the post still: both of us striving to prove to the other that we can do this, both of us wanting this, both of us working on it.

It’s difficult, though, with him working until 10pm, but luckily that’s only three nights a week. There has been a lot going on, as well, stress wise and emotion wise and everything, and I have a feeling we will get even better in a month, once I have less to do and we can focus more on ourselves and each other.

He has been better at making me do things when I don’t, and I have been better at remembering to do them, so it’s really a win-win situation, as I talked about before. I’ve been trying to have dinner ready when he gets home, though I’ve failed at this a little both the past two nights, but I’m working on it more. I need to look back over the list of expectations, our protocols, and our contract and commit them to better memory. I mean, I’ve mostly memorized them, but I think that I could remember them better.

I also would like to do more with our position commands, but, really, one thing at a time. One of my big things is resistance when I feel he’s pushing and I’m not ready to give whatever it happens to be he is pushing for. I have been getting better at simply giving instead of trying to control what and when I’m giving. I did this a bit the first night that we kind of got back into this, but since then… I mean, I’ve been bratty and cheeky, but not resisting completely, to make the distinction between the two.

I do know that we’ve slipped a little in the last few days, not been quite as strict, but maybe we don’t need to… I think a lot of that, too, has to do with him working until 10pm. It’s getting a lot better. I’m really excited about the new aspect to us, the new development, and despite slight slipping it really hasn’t slipped that much, or not nearly as much as the last time we determined something like this. I really feel something different within me, a realization that has changed the way I’m interacting with both Master and Kat, a clicking of a sort making me realize that I have to do a lot of the work if I really want things to happen, but the work I have to do is work that is both overt and subtle…

My other update is about Kat. I pointed her to the posts I had written and we talked things over and kind of came to the conclusion of needing to try this, needing to see if we could add D/s to our relationship. I’m honestly not sure if it will work, but we’re both willing to give it a try, and we both know that even if it doesn’t work we’ll still retain our friendship.

We’ve done little bits of things, just kind of testing the waters, this is all online, mind you. I watched her playing with the other girl in channel that I mentioned two posts ago, and I was jealous, of course, but I also liked it. I mean, I work on my jealousy, I don’t just shove it away, I like to overthink it, expose what is at the root of it, and in this case it was kind of obvious, I wanted her to toy with me like that. She mentioned that toying with her is like practice for me, since she’s still nervous. I don’t think that’s really a motivating factor in it, but I think that’s an added bonus.

I can’t help but wonder if I’m pushing this on her… I know she says I’m not, and she’s said she wants it to, but… I still can’t help but wonder. But, then, I wondered the same thing with Master, and he’s been loving it, which is what helps me to realize that this is actually what he wants. Online it’s so much easier to lie about what you’re feeling, not that I really think Kat would do that, but… it’s possible, and I’m a paranoid person, heh. I think she’d tell me if she really didn’t want to do this.

The little bit that we did today, though, I really did enjoy it, and I was glad that I enjoyed it as much as I did. I can only hope that she enjoyed it as well. She agreed that it didn’t feel wrong when I said it, and she said “we have to let go of certain stigma. I’m trying.” and I’m not sure I know exactly what that means, but I didn’t ask at the time. She said many other things which I liked, which I was happy to hear, and which should show how she’s feeling about everything, I think, but I still can’t help but wonder. When I’m pushing interactions I tend to overthink the motivation of everyone else involved, I can’t help it.

She said “I want you as you are…my wild strong lotus” and also “but you’re mine. it’s good to be queen.” Which I couldn’t help but chuckle at, but also enjoy. Really, I’ve been “whipped” by her (not literally) for quite some time. I mean, not only has she simply been possessive of me for quite some time, and I’ve been her her “therapist” (as we joked) for quite some time and also her friend and little more (other than both of us desiring more but being afraid to act on it), but I’ve always been wrapped around her little finger, and it’s been pretty obvious.

Things are looking up relationship-wise on all fronts, really. Master and I have talked about Kat and I and he doesn’t seem surprised at this turn, though he mentioned the difficulty of LDR’s, not that I really had to be reminded, I remember ours while we were apart, but it’s something to keep in mind anyway. Though, we already have the emotional connection, it’s just the D/s and the sexual we have to build now, and that may or may not be difficult. The sexual one has been there as an undercurrent for a very long time, it’s just never been acted on. The D/s is in some ways the most difficult part.

I can’t help but wonder how this will turn out, and I’m excited to find out.

My Perfect Situation

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 6, 2008

In a Love: Onyx, a Relationship: Kat & glen, Identity: Submissive, Polyamory

I’ve been waiting for things to get better between Master and me before jumping into anything else. However, I have been deeply craving for some sort of close relationship with a woman. I used to think that I was submissive with men and dominant with women, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore. My bdsm role has been evolving as I have been (which makes sense). I now think about being dominated by women, and a woman as mentioned previously, but also women in general. I don’t think I would want to be the top in most any relationship.

Right now what I really want (once Master and I get more set in our dynamic, I don’t believe in bringing in new people to try and set or help an existing relationship) a Domme to play with us. She would be someone which my Master would be friends with. He would have the overall say, but would allow her to do as she pleased for the most part. She would not be submissive to him, but, rather, they would be equals and they wouldn’t be sexual with each other, but they would be friendly and intimate. This would make me the center of attention, of course.

I miss being with a woman terribly, and although I love my Master I still long for something different as well. I know he cannot satisfy all of my needs as I don’t think that anyone can 100% satisfy the needs of another. I’m intensely attracted to individuals rather than genders or sexes, but, really, they do play a role as well. I’m not really interested in getting another man in my life right now. Not seriously, anyway. I would play with men, and both Master and I would love to have me playing with other men, but I don’t want to start a relationship with one (unless he’s exceptionally perfect, and even then, I’m not sure if I would want a Master and a Dom… but it would depend on who comes along).

I was hoping that Kat and I could start that relationship. I’ve been waiting for my relationship with Master to improve before delving into it, but now those ideas are discouraged. Like I mentioned last post, though, I do have the slight hope that I might be able to change her mind if I could convince her that I could be submissive to her and she would like it, but I’m not sure if that is possible, just an idea. The more I’m thinking about it, the more I’m unsure of it. I wouldn’t force anything on her, but I do want to bring up the idea of it, just not right now (we’ve talked a bit today, but I didn’t bring this up because she has other things going on, so I’ll bring it up later).

In light of the new development, however, I may start looking for someone else, as my interviewing and worthyness process takes quite a while, and by that time perhaps Master and I will be at the right stage. She has said that she would be jealous if she saw me with another person, and I think it’s because we haven’t actually done anything. I’ll admit, I’ve been jealous of how she’s been in channel with another woman, and I can’t help but wish it was me that she was toying with like that. But, at the same time, I know I couldn’t just do that, and so there is my problem.

Is Vanilla Really an Option?

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 6, 2008

In a Relationship: Kat & glen, Identity: Submissive, Polyamory

Kat and I were talking the other night, as I mentioned in my last post, and, well… some interesting, crucial, and rather disappointing information was brought to my attention. I haven’t really talked about mine and Kat’s background and friendship, so I figure it’s about time. Kat and I have known each other online for about two years, maybe almost three by now, I’m not entirely sure, though I could probably find out, but the length isn’t exactly what matters.

When we first met, she thought she was submissive. I watched her go through a few relationships until she found glen. At first they were M/f, and it was the first relationship I saw her in that I knew just felt right, all the others, well, they were good, for the most part, but they didn’t seem to click the same easy way as she and glen did. They were wonderful together, they knew it and I knew it. A few months into their relationship, they decided to experiment, as Kat as a submissive wasn’t going as well as they’d hoped. She dominated him, and they ended up loving it, and switching roles. Now, they have been F/m for quite some time, and they are both happier. Kat, especially, is so much less volatile and irritable than when we first met. It’s like they center each other, and they are so good together.

What does this have to do with Kat and me? Well, not a lot directly, though Kat, a friend of hers, Master, and I are going to all go to England in about a month (May 10th). Master and I are going to meet Kat for the first time, and we all are going to England to meet glen for the first time. It is going to be amazing.

Kat and I have been attracted to each other for quite a while, and glen has always been comfortable with us together (they have been exploring poly as well in general, but that is another topic), and Master and I are poly and he knows how much I care for her as well. We have talked extensively about how there’s pretty much no way that we won’t at least kiss, and probably do more than that, when we meet and in England. I’m all about it.

We have never done anything past snuggling and kissing, however, not online that is, as that’s the only medium we have. Neither of us really do much online, but we have toyed with the idea of scening with one another (that is, basically, having cyber sex only in a better term). We have talked, as well, about D/s and our relationship. It hasn’t been that much of a thing until the other night.

One time when I was on molly I was online and told her I loved her and wanted her to dominate me the next day. Later, when she was online and on vicodin for an infection she had, she professed love and we did a small amount of fooling around, a little more than our usual. It seems that we need drugs in order for us to get anywhere sexually, heh. I think this is because we both have the worry that we will ruin our friendship if we go anything beyond what we already are, but we are growing distant from each other at the same time, both of us wanting more, but not able to bring ourselves to do so.

As for the D/s part, often when it comes up she will say something like “do you really think of me that way?” or “would you really want me to dominate you?” My answer is always “yes!” or some variation thereof. I’ve thought of her more and more that way since they switched. Honestly, I wasn’t very attracted to her when she was a sub like me, I’m not much of a switch, and I’m not much of a fan of simply vanilla, so I prefer my partners dominant and kinky.

She said something the other night, though, we were talking about us again, our relationship in general, and we were talking about me a lot as well. This was the night before Master and I started to work things out. I was talking with her about my issues with him and what was going on. I was thinking a lot about what would help me get the domination I crave, and I mentioned that maybe if I was more submissive acting generally I would get domination more, from both her and him. She replied in a usual way: “but would you really want to submit to me?”

I asked her why she thought I wouldn’t, and she went on: “because we’d maybe not be able to act that way toward eachother because we know eachother too well… I mean you, in a lot of ways, are way more “dominant” than me…I come to you for advice and to pull me out of my own brain… in a lot of ways I feel you are like the parent and I’m the child. I feel like I can’t dominate you because you take care of me and are more mature than me” (these are a few different lines kind of strung together). I was shocked.

I mean, on one hand it makes sense, and I think this is my problem in a lot of ways in general: I have this tight control freak way about me. Friends who I come out to as submissive usually say something like “I thought you would be a Domme.” I think this was the problem with me and Master for quite some time, as well. I simply don’t act like a submissive. I really don’t. I am strong willed, feisty, sarcastic, and I don’t back down or give in easily. I really don’t have a submissive personality, but I crave domination. This can make things quite difficult.

I’m rather disappointed, really. I can’t help but wonder if she saw me as submissive, if I started acting submissive toward her, if that would help or change her mind. She also said “I think I’d have to be vanilla with you really.” I’m still thinking and obsessing over this. We haven’t really been able to talk about it since then, either, we haven’t been online at the same time. I don’t know if I would want to be vanilla with her. I really do see her as a Domme now, and I know how amazing she is, and I want her to dominate me. I’ve wanted this for quite a while, really, but I’m just so horrible at asking.

I just wonder if she could ever see me as submissive, since she doesn’t now. The thing to do right now, I think, is to talk to her about it. I don’t know how I feel about us being vanilla, but if we can’t be D/s, then I don’t know. There’s a disconnect here, and we need to fix it, and maybe that is what has been driving us apart lately as well. She’s known that I want her to dominate me, though I don’t know how much she has believed it. I’ve known she’s had a reluctance to it. Perhaps it’s just not meant to happen this way. I’m sure I’ll talk more about this later.

Time is a Dressmaker Specializing in Alterations

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 5, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

Well, lets just say that yesterday (Friday) was worse than the day before, which I roundaboutly posted about. I won’t go into details here, but lets just say what little faith I had left in humanity (if at all) now has dissipated completely, and with little hope of coming back (at least for a while).

I didn’t, on Thursday, get what I was so desperately needing: domination. Instead, I got our usual routine. And, of course, since I didn’t get what I wanted (even though my only indication was a post–though he is supposed to read them) I was, of course, pissy. Because that’s what I do when I don’t get my way on things (very submissive of me, right? ;P ). I can’t help it, I want to be the instructional submissive like Deluze says that Severin in Venus in Furs is. I want to be leading the show even though I’m not. I want to be dominated when I want to be dominated, and not later, and definitely not not at all.

Of course, this throws a wrench in some of Master’s plans… but… well… sometimes I just need it. I do, however, need to learn how to better communicate this need. I also need to learn how to be submissive on his time, and not on my time, but… that’s hard as well. What I really want is a more stable and regular domination and submission routine. I mean, we call each other O/cp and 24/7, but we’ve been struggling. I mean, lets face it, life gets in the way of it sometimes, as well as various other things which can get in the way. This happens to all of us at one time or another, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Our problem, though, is that once it slips it’s really really really hard to gain it back.

The solution: I end up getting so fed up with the situation that I get irritable which leads to both of us pulling away, which leads to me getting insecure and upset, and ends up with me bawling and bitching about all the problems of our relationship, and that I’m not getting the domination which I so desperately crave. This sort of works, and it has slightly changed as time has gone on. I’ve been trying to get better at speaking up before I get quite to that point. I’ve been working on trying to express my desires (mostly in writing), but that doesn’t always help either. The big problem is that I end up getting to a point where I don’t want to put the effort in because I have done this many times before.

However, this time we may see more lasting effects. Friday night I was talking with Kat online, after finding out some devastating news. I wanted Master. I needed him to take me and cuddle me for a small bit and then proceed to beat and fuck me until I was in a different head space than I was thinking of the devastation which had just occurred. I’m sure he was feeling badly about it as well, but we weren’t even talking about it. We both shut down, as we are both wont to do. I lay in bed, stewing, chatting with Kat, and with the desire to go into a b.com chat room and just find someone random to dominate me. I realized how horrible that was, as my Master was not 10 feet away from me at the time.

I brought this up, and Kat and I got to talking about it. It’s been quite a while that Master and I have been working on things. At first I thought it was me, maybe this isn’t really what I want, maybe it’s a fantasy, but as I found myself seeking out domination in other areas when I was not receiving it, I realized that no, it’s not me.

One problem, though, is that I want to be dominated. I want to have no choice in the matter, either. I want to be completely overpowered by another’s will, and I want to love every second of it. He, however, doesn’t want to make it a battle all the time to get me to do things, and I don’t really want that either, but that seems to be what always happens. He wants me to submit to him, he wants me to do it automatically without him having to work for it. While a lot of me wants that too, I need to be shown that he actually can dominate me, that he can master me, and since he tends to give in a little too early to my demands, it hasn’t quite sunk in… yet.

“Mastery isn’t just telling someone what to do. It’s also creating the environment in which your submissive will do what you want even without being told. It is creating an environment in which they only have the one choice, and that is of doing what you want.” (from The Control Book by Peter Masters) This is what I want. This is what I need. An environment where I am mastered, where I have to do what I’m told or what is requested or expected of me, not just because I’m doing it, but because I have to, because the need to do so is within me.

I know the possibility of this has been here, it’s been lingering just out of reach for quite some time. We have moments, streaks of it, after one of the aforementioned blow ups, after I’ve exposed the issues of our relationship, and we have talked it over and decided to give it another go, to really try this time, to not let it go. It works wonderfully for a day or two, once up to a week, but then we get lazy again, and we start slacking off.

Well, after the blow up I had last night, within which I essentially said “I need this from you or I need to find it somewhere else” Master decided to put us in high protocol for the rest of the weekend. It has been wonderful. I had some issues Friday, but tonight has been better. I don’t think I’ve gotten pissy once tonight. I’ve been trying to follow protocol and to do as instructed when instructed, and all that good stuff that comes along with high protocol.

He’s mentioned that he really has enjoyed it thus far as well, and we just had a wonderful spanking then fucking session before I started to write this post. I feel happy and contented in a way I haven’t quite felt in a long time. I am nearly always happy and contented with him in general, but sometimes there is that nagging feeling that something isn’t right, that something is missing. But now, that’s not here anymore. I just hope it lasts. That may be a bleak statement, but this has happened before. However, I’m going to try my hardest to keep it going.

One of the most important things in this is that I feel like I need to prove something to him, to show him that we can work this way (and to prove to myself a little too). I need to show him that this is what I want and that he is what I want, so I am doing my damnedest to follow protocol and submit to him. But, not only that, he is enforcing things as well, so he is making it so that I am striving to submit to him (which makes his job easier) and he is correcting me when I make mistakes (which is making my job easier). Really it ends up being a give and take on both sides of things, it just doesn’t seem like it as much from the outside.

All power exchange is a matter of mutual give and take, mutual receptivity and instructing, regardless of the role which either partner may be inhabiting. Without both partners doing their part there is no way to move forward. And we are moving forward now, and I have a feeling this has been a turning point, more than the others, and this one will last.

When A Bad Day Rolls Around

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On April 3, 2008

In Identity: Submissive

On those days when just about everything feels like it’s going wrong, and I need to get some order and control back in my life, I clean. Today I cleaned the kitchen, even places I may have never cleaned before. I didn’t mop, however, because we’re all out of the things for our swiffer.

What does this have to do with bdsm, you may ask? Well. It is also on these days that my urge to be dominated is extra strong. Don’t get me wrong, I love to be dominated in general, but it’s these days that I crave it more than usual, that I desire it with every fiber of my being, and my body cries out for the pain and pleasure that is brought from submitting to the will of another, and hopefully being toyed with in the process.

It’s slightly ironic, that to get control back I would desire to be dominated, but it makes sense in another way. I am a control freak, something I’ve mentioned before and will (no doubt) mention many times again. I hate not being in control, though I have learned to cede control in certain situations, and, well, sometimes I’m just lazy and don’t want to think. However, control is very much a part of both my personal (duh) and professional (if I can call it that) life. I like to run groups, I like to make plans, I like to start projects, I like to encourage others, I like to be in control… except for when I don’t.

When I don’t want to be in control I really don’t want to be in control. I want to be dominated, wholly and truly, I want to be taken out of myself and put into the role of cunt/toy/servant/pet, that role which I love so well. Usually when I’m having a day like this, I want to be given pain, and I want it given well. I want to be tied down and made to scream and cry and beg to stop and to keep going at the same time. I want to not know what I want. I want to lose myself in the sensation which I am being given and just float away on it, not a care in the world.

I need this kind of release. The stress and the worry and the control I exert over my everyday life is more than most people would want, I think, more than I want and often more than I can handle. I feel like I have way too much on my plate, and I need to be taken to that place where only sensation, the delicious feel of hand or cane or yes, even the strap against my skin is all I can think about. I need to be taken to that place where I can only think of pleasing and being given pleasure. I need to be taken to that place where I can shut up my brain and not think about things for a while.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 31, 2008

In Identity: Submissive

I’ve been thinking a lot about BDSM in general, as well as the way gender plays out within BDSM roles, and I’ve come to some discoveries. I’ve been thinking about writing Eros in Leather as I mentioned earlier which would be a M/f spinoff of Venus in Furs, which is F/m. However, there arises a problem, which is partly where my discoveries came from. Venus in Furs (VIF) has very servant-centered submission within it, and this is more difficult to create in a M/f relationship in some ways. The obvious choices are cooking and cleaning and otherwise tending to the Master for the fem submissive, but I’m not sure if they are comparable… though perhaps they are, as they are highly gendered just like Severin’s boy servant position in VIF is.

One discovery: submissives often are given directives which go against cultural gender expectations in regards to sex, that is, (in my experience) many more males than females are put into chastity, and chastity is rather a huge topic, while many more females than males are thought of as sex slaves or desired to be sexual nearly all the time. While both males and females engage in orgasm control to an extent, I would wager that the amount and frequency each is allowed to cum is vastly different. This isn’t true for everyone, of course, this is a general statement. I think a lot of this is due to our cultural expectations and stereotypes, and going beyond or the opposite of them adds to the taboo of the situation in general, but I’m sure there is more to this.

Back to VIF (in some ways): Secretary is in some ways the M/f VIF, though with distinct differences. VIF is completely lead by the masochist, Severin, with Wanda going along with it as per his wishes, and not the other way around. While Edward is the first to initiate, Lee ends up being the one to initiate an ongoing relationship past the one they had at work, so there are similarities, but it’s not exact, though I don’t expect it to be. Although, Secretary fixes my issue of how to make the woman more servant-centered, bringing in roles of labor, as VIF had in a very different way.

My Queer Theory Prof. has mentioned many times about her idea that labor and masochism/submission are related somehow, though she has yet to go into detail, and I think this is part of it. A large part of submission is labor, as doing for the Other is part of submission, which can extend to chores and other such things, like doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, tending the garden, fetching drinks, etc. etc. etc. There is a tie between labor and submission, and I may have just hit it on the head, though, again, I think there’s more to it, and there’s more that can be said and explored regarding it.

A side note: I was talking with someone today who mentioned that, regardless of consent, many people think that BDSM is wrong. I also mentioned the sex-positive movement, and he said that he didn’t think it was very widespread. I know that people think both of these things logically, and I know that they vary depending on your circles and such, but I often forget this. I tend to live in a land where I’m accepted for who I am (a big factor of this is probably because I choose to not associate with many people, and this may also be why I don’t feel like venturing out into the land of Utah to make new friends). Sometimes it’s a harsh wakeup call to remember that there are still bigoted, racist, homophobic, sex-negative, anti-feminist, anti-poly, anti-bdsm, anti-queer, anti-genderfucking people out there who would probably hate me on principle if they got to know me. I feel pretty blessed by the people I have in my life, but I also realize a little more where my aversion to new people comes from. I need some sort of formal interviewing process to figure out new friends.

101 Ideas…

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 30, 2008

In Power Play

I found this via a livejournal friend, and although I don’t agree with all of them exactly, I think they are all interesting and useful as ideas and not necessarily to be replicated word for word. I wouldn’t mind having a lot of these implemented within my own relationship, however, and I agree with the sentiment at the beginning of the piece, that to feel truly owned having a lot of little things which remind you of that constantly are very important.

This is obviously meant for a M/f relationship, but I think it mostly can be translated, though maybe not perfectly. From 101 ideas to make Your slave feel Owned (i.e. loved) (technically there are 107 listed)

“One of the main factors, for me in feeling truly Owned is to be constantly reminded throughout the day of Master’s control. These reminders can be subtle or really obtrusive. The more often a slave is reminded of her submission, the deeper it becomes….and the more fulfilling. So here are some ideas You might want to try… And no matter what rules You decide to make Your own, please….be consistent. If You are unwilling to take the time to enforce the rules You make, then there may as well be no rules at all. There is nothing in the world that will make a slave feel less loved than to have a Master/Mistress who ignores her transgressions and does not exert Their Dominance.

1. Have her wear slave bells. The constant soft jingling of the bells is soothing and a certain reminder of her submission.

2. When she has broken a rule, talk to her as You punish….and make her speak in detail about why what she did was wrong.

3. Make her take her shoes off every day as soon as she enters Your house.

4. A beautiful, special collar will make any slave joyous. Take the time to select the right one, and have her wear it as often as possible.

5. Have her call You each day at a specified time, no excuses.

6. Give her anklets and tell her she must wear one of them every day, no excuses.

7. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her kneel before You and ask to accompany You upon the furniture.

8. Choose her hairstyle and go with her to get it cut to Your specifications.

9. Whenever possible (i.e. no curious young-uns about), have her display herself whenever You come into the room…..legs spread, shirt unbuttoned. No matter what position You take, she is to be sure Your view is unobstructed

10. When around the kids or vanilla friends/family, make sure she has an alternative title for You besides Master…..such as “my Love” etc.

11. Use her sexually in a rough, selfish way when You feel like it….interrupting whatever she was doing.

12. Chose a food that she dislikes and have her eat a small portion every day for a week.

13. Have her crawl to bed each night.

14. Bring her a stuffed animal each time You go out of town. ~grin~

15. Choose her clothing each day.

16. Have her get Your daily wardrobe ready for You the night before….laid out, ironed etc.

17. After punishment, have her kiss Your boots and thank You for loving her enough to correct her.

18. Have her bring a warm towel and wash and massage Your feet each day after work.

19. Get her tattooed (Your choice of art and location).

20. Get her pierced (or preferably if You are trained, do it Yourself).

21. Get her branded.

22. Respect, but push her limits.

23. Ask her each night what she did that day that You would not have approved of. *grin* This gets her in the habit of being completely honest, and also makes her conscious of the things she could do better each day.

24. Teach her exactly how You want her to kneel, and demand perfection.

25. Reward her by allowing her to please You sexually.

26. Supervise her workout routine.

27. Each night she is to kneel next to the bed asking permission to sleep with her Master, and each night she does, she is to kneel by the bed in the morning and thank her Master for the privilege.

28. Have her polish Your boots weekly, on her knees at Your feet.

29. Negotiate until you are both comfortable with the terms and then sign a contract.

30. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Pain – 1000 words”

31. Have her keep a diary of her journey into submission.

32. Instruct her that she may never get herself something to eat or drink in Your presence without first asking You if You want something.

33. Some evenings, keep her on a leash and take her with You no matter what You do….even if You do not speak to her or include her in Your activities.

34. When appropriate, she is to speak when spoken to.

35. Reward her by giving her delicious pleasure.

36. On occasion, share her.

37. When it suits You, instruct her not to make eye contact with You without Your command.

38. Have her keep her body clean shaven at all times.

39. Conduct random inspections of her body to make sure she keeps herself to Your specifications.

40. Make her wear a butt-plug under her clothes whenever she goes out alone.

41. For transgressions: have her write Your name on the bottom of her foot and tell her to remember she is walking on You with each step. (This is harder to do that You might think….)

42. Master the art of the meaningful piercing stare…..

43. Give her reading assignments.

44. Test her on the reading assignments, to make sure she learned the appropriate lessons from each.

45. Instruct her to keep her toenails painted perfectly everyday, and check to see that they are before bed

46. Make it her responsibility to put the toys away after play and punishment, and to keep them clean and neat.

47. Reward her by letting her name her favorite scene, toys, etc.

48. Call her Your slut, Your pet, etc.

49. Have her make a list of the 10 things that make her the most self-conscious, uncomfortable or embarrassed.

50. Work with her, having her do the things on the list (if possible), so that she conquers those fears and hesitations.

51. Sometimes, pamper her…..wash her body and hair, having her remain perfectly still as You turn her and move her about.

52. Hand feed her like a small child on occasion.

53. Have her eat from a dog bowl on occasion.

54. For transgressions: make her wear a sign to the next public function naming her crime. (ouch)

55. Praise her dedication when she has pleased You well.

56. Instruct her that she is never to touch Your body without permission.

57. Have her write a meditation about her submission, devotion and trust in You….to be said aloud each night before falling asleep.

58. Some days allow her no clothing whatsoever (when practical).

59. For transgressions: deny her play. No pain for you, bad girl….hehehe.

60. In the same ilk, For transgressions: deny her orgasm…..give her sex, but she can’t cum.

61. For transgressions: Command that she is to be silent for a week. She may not speak, and will take whatever pain or pleasure You give as silently as possible.

62. Treat her like a pet in front of friends, making her present herself, turn herself, etc.

63. Giver her a writing assignment: “The definition of Obedience – 1000 words”

64. Have her wear a toe ring.

65. Tell her one morning that she must cum for You 15 times that day, and then write about the day.

66. Have her wear nipple clamps under her clothing out to dinner.

67. On Your birthday, let her receive Your spankings.

68. Spend time training her how to move gracefully to please You.

69. For transgressions: stand her in the corner like a 3 year old.

70. Always flog her after completion of a task, even if it was satisfactory. A well flogged slave is a happy slave.

71. Speak about her as if she were not present.

72. For transgressions: deny her any D/s at all for a week…..letting her do just as she pleases, not allowing her to serve You in any way, no punishment, no instruction, no play, banning titles of respect, etc. This will shame her and certainly make her strive to please You when it is over and she is in her place again.

73. Defend her honor to those who would disrespect Your prized possession.

74. Pet her often.

75. Make her be webMistress for Your huge site, DallasBDSM. hehehehe

76. Whenever possible (i.e. no young-uns about), have her sleep in a cage.

77. Buy her sexy or slutty clothes to Your liking.

78. Teach her things….expand her knowledge…..in a patient Fatherly way.

79. When You are away, call her and have her masturbate for You.

80. If You choose to play with others, make sure Your slave knows who is first in Your heart…..and that some things are just for her.

81. Remember her birthday.

82. Le
ad her with a loving fist in her hair.

83. Wake her each morning with an assigned task for the day…..and make sure it is done by day’s end.

84. Teach her patience.

85. Videotape Your sessions and watch them together.

86. On long trips, have her wear double dildo latex underwear.

87. Hand feed her chocolate.

88. Have her place her regular wear shoes in a line by the front door. They should be in a straight line with the laces tucked inside, or the buckles buckled. Inspect them periodically.

89. Keep a list of her transgressions in a little book….let her slip for a while…thinking You are not noticing…..then one day, bring out the book and have a day of atonement.

90. Tickle her just because You can.

91. Have her be perfectly still and quiet while You bring her extreme pleasure…..when she moves or makes a sound punish her then return to the pleasure.

92. Keep her locked in her collar when You are home. You place it on her…..having her kneel. Wear the key to the lock around Your neck.

93. When possible, have her cook and serve Your dinner wearing nothing but an apron and collar.

94. Buy her a Polaroid camera and give her assignments to take pictures of herself for You in certain outfits or positions, etc.

95. Remember to kiss and caress away her tears.

96. Don’t be afraid to bring her to tears, for they are Yours as well.

97. Take her and the dog to the park, both on leashes.

98. Caress her, whisper into her ear that You love her, nibble on her belly, lick her thighs and make love to her until she cries.

99. Have her fall asleep with Your cock in her mouth and tell her You expect it to be there when You awake.

100. Occasionally, fulfill her fantasy.

101. Master’s word is the last word.

Addendum

102. Make sure that she is safe at all times….when with You and when You are apart (to the best of Your ability). Keep her vehicle in good working order, make sure she has emergency money and a cell phone to call for help if needed.

103. Be consistent.

104. Take the time to talk to her…..learn her fears, her dreams and fantasies. Use Your knowledge.

105. When You go out of town, forbid her to shave her sex. Shave her Yourself when You return.

106. Specify exactly how she will address You in private and in public.

107. If You are willing to correct her each time she forgets until it is a habit, have her refer to herself as “this slave” or “this girl” etc.

Comments? Critiques? What do y’all think of these ideas?

Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 27, 2008

In Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Sex Blogging

Do you enjoy being spanked?
I definitely do, especially long ones that start with a warming up with the hand, then move to the flogger, then to the strap, then to the cane, or some combination of such. I love being spanked by hand, and by the flogger, the strap… not so much, but when it’s in sequence and I’ve been adequately worked up, then that’s okay, but that’s the instrument which Master usually uses as punishment, too, since he knows that I hate it. Funnily enough, I love the cane. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I hate the thing sometimes, and it is also used as punishment sometimes, but I love the feeling of it versus the strap, even though it’s painful and not pleasant all the time, but often it is.
I’ve always had a thing for spanking, as well, I love the just plain dominance of it, the acquiescing, the submitting that has to occur on my part. Being taken and punished, even, although not fun, is a wonderful feeling of being owned and loved. But also just being taken and played with in the sense of knowing that he could do what he wanted to me with the aim of pain and pleasure.

Have you ever given a spanking?
I’ve spanked many times, but I wouldn’t say I’ve given a spanking. That is, I’ve done a lot of playful butt slapping with friends, and some hard playful butt slapping, but I’ve never been in the position of taking someone and spanking them in the manner I’ve described above.

Do you have tattoos?
I do. I currently have eight, and have many more planned.
Currently I have (in chronological order, from oldest to newest):
a stylized heart on my left breast, a small cancer (zodiac) symbol on my right breast with purple around it, on my right thigh bettie page by olivia “don’t tread on me” or what I call “licking the whip” she’s all in red with fishnets and heeled boots with a red crop in her hand lifted to her mouth and licking it, what I call “lovers entwined” between my breasts, a small aries (zodiac) symbol behind my left ear with red around it, elvgrin’s pinup witch on my right calf, a heart-shaped padlock on my right wrist which looks like it goes into my skin, and a key with heart-shaped handle on my left wrist (which Master has an identical tattoo of on his wrist).
Ones I have planned:
a virgo (zodiac) symbol surrounded by “silver” aka gray on my right hip-ish area; an om symbol (with purple accents) inside a red star of babalon on my left wrist (I have an icon of this in ); another rendering of bettie which is her in the middle with a leopard on one side and a snake on the other, it’s awesome, and I love it and it’s perfect! I was thinking of having it on my chest, but I’m not sure anymore, maybe my upper back; babalon riding the beast on my back or possibly thigh depending on the image I decide on; a submissive pinup (probably bound) on my left thigh mirroring my rather Domme-ish Bettie; a varga girl (not sure which) on my left calf mirroring my elvgren; backseams such as would be seen on old-type pantyhose which look like small corset lacing; a bdsm emblem somewhere perhaps made of tigerlilys (instead of roses, which is usually seen); possibly handcuffs (not sure where) with a rose peeking through them; possibly a gothic faerie; possibly many other things…

What is something you fear?
I have a few phobias, specifically bugs, I hate bugs. Currently we have bed bugs infesting our house and I have learned not to think about them as a way to survive, I had two panic attacks when we first realized we had them. It was horrible.
Another fear is pretty common, that of rejection. I think everyone has it to some extent, and some more than others. In me it’s pretty big, I don’t venture out of my social circle much, and I don’t really try to get to know new people but will generally but not specifically, if that makes sense. I also have deep wounds in that area, just in general, though I’m sure many many others do as well, but this one I’m working on as best I can.

Has your Sir changed/expanded any of your limits.. if so what? and how?
Hmm, that’s a good question. Not really, I’ve been pretty aware of what my limits are for quite some time, and we haven’t done much play with my limits, also I don’t really have many outside of general relationship ones and some of the usuals. There are many things I would do that I don’t particularly like, but I don’t consider them to be limits, and Master and I generally like a lot of the same things and dislike a lot of the same things, so it works out rather well for us. I’d like to do more play with things that could become limits, such as experimenting with different play which I never have, such as electricity, extreme humiliation and degradation (we’ve done a little, but not much), and such, but thus far we haven’t really changed or expanded any of my limits (though, I have become a little more lax on my tickling hard limit, but just for accidental tickling).

Describe your most intense, enjoyable sexual experience:
Hmm… I’ve had a few, though most intense and most enjoyable do vary in some ways, and I tend to get mush for brains during the really good ones. I’ll list a few (in chronological order):
With my previous partner we were having phone sex at one point while I was still living at home, though I was alone in the house at the time. I was playing with a toy and we were whispering and groaning naughty nothings to each other. He counted every time I came, and we got to about 48 in that one hour and a half or so. Earlier that day we had phone sex as well and I had come about 11 times, and then twice in between with him. All in all it was around 61 times, and I say around because this wasn’t necessarily exact, but I came somewhere around there. I was very sore the next day.
On Master’s birthday, the first one we were together for, he gave me his birthday spankings and then proceeded to fuck me senseless, including making me cum until I begged him to stop. We weren’t counting that time, but it was definitely in the double-digits and probably no less than 25 or 30.
One spring break (I think it was spring break) my friend Katie and I went up to Portland and Master and I were still in a LDR at that point. He said he could fly to Portland for the night, however, and so he did. We got a hotel room at the Days Inn I believe, which had a king sized bed and a jacuzzi. We did all manner of fucking, including in the jacuzzi which had mirrors around it. He fucked me from behind and we could watch both of us while we were fucking due to the mirrors, it was wonderful. He fucked my ass that night, as well, and then woke me up the next morning with an ass-fucking. I was so sore, but it was so wonderful.
Getting the Hitachi just the other day was pretty damn intense, and the most intense I’ve had recently. It’s a different kind of orgasm than I’m used to, I haven’t used a toy in quite some time, and it was kind of akin to that first instance mentioned above, within which I came 48 times in one sitting. There were some definite orgasm crests but for the most part I was just awash in constant near-orgasm pleasure, which was almost more intense than just a short burst. I’ll write more on this later.

Whats the biggest thing you’ve ever had in your ass?
I’m not honestly sure, actually. I don’t really go for size or stretching, I enjoy to be fucked rather than plugged and I’ve never been fisted anally. Possibly my silicone dildo, as it’s longer but about the same thickness as Master’s cock. My ex (mentioned above) had a damn thick cock near the base (it was kind of triangle-y, very interesting looking) but I’m not sure how much of that actually went in, I don’t think he actually fucked my ass, though we tried, but… it was a weird situation. I’ve had lots of odd small things up my ass, but like I said, I’m more about the sensation than stretching.

Too Much Love? Never!

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On March 27, 2008

In a Love: Onyx

From What’s love got to do with it? by cunt:

“What will happen is that I’ll end up with a case of the “wifies”. Girlfriend syndrome, I’ve heard it called. A time when expectations dip into romance and tenderness, when I begin to think I deserve to be treated more as an equal than a subordinate, when I assign more importance to my needs than to his, when I expect to be courted and wooed and romanced into sex and service. When I can sit on the couch, with my feet up, and ask HIM to fetch ME something.

“A time when his requests are met with an eyeroll instead of a pleasant nod, when he’s answered with grunts or heavy sighs instead of “Yes Master”, a time when I stomp away, scowling, and thinking to myself, “what about ME, you selfish prick? I’m tired and I’m stressed and my head aches and.. and.. and.. etc. etc.! What makes YOU so special?”

What makes this so hard for him to see is because he loves me as deeply and fiercely as I love him. He doesn’t immediately see it for what it is. Instead, he lets the love, and the natural urge to please the one you love, override what should be the response of a Master. He responds as my husband, with gentleness and concern. He babies me, pets me.”

I think this is our problem as well, and it’s not a bad problem to have in some ways, I mean, I love that he loves me and we have this connection and he understands when I have a lot of things to do, and he understands when I’m stressed, and he understands that school comes first, even before him. But, soon that will be over, and I won’t have school at all, and I will be able to devote most of my time to him, and the rest of my time to work. This is something I’m highly looking forward to, and I think it will change our dynamic.

Also we are going to have our house to ourselves and only ourselves, we are going to have a different bedroom and a different energy again, we will have a completely new and different situation, and we are going to go on vacation for three weeks which we can devote to each other.

We loved each other before we were O/cp, really. We came upon our love unexpectedly, both of us just looking for a friend with benefits, someone to fuck and pass the time with, someone who we were extremely sexually compatible with, and we found each other, and we are extremely sexually compatible. We were all about kinky sex more than the Owner/cuntpet relationship, though both of us wanted that, or I wanted that, and I’m not sure what he wanted, but he knew what I wanted, what I’ve craved, and he agreed with my descriptions of my desires, so that’s something. We weren’t really O/cp until long after I moved here.

I would get moody and irritated because we wouldn’t do anything, but it was nice, also, we were learning to get along with the vanilla aspects of each other, and I was learning to trust him again after what happened while we were apart. My trust in him was built and broken a few times during that period, but mostly broken due to my own insecurities and pushing away of him. We learned how to navigate each other, though not completely, but I don’t think that anyone can learn to 100% navigate someone else, because we’re constantly changing and so is the way to navigate us. However, it was a very useful time.

About a year ago I started really pushing for our work as Master and slave (or, now as I refer to it our Owner and cuntpet relationship), I wrote up our contract and we talked about it a lot. We’ve been struggling along ever since. This has been a slow process for us, juggling our love and our feminism and our O/cp and my school and his work and our roommates and our lives in general. Nothing is perfect, but we are working on it, and that’s what’s important. I need to learn how to initiate my submission, which is difficult for me, and he needs to learn how to initiate his Dominance, which is difficult for him. We end up stumbling through it every so often, but it doesn’t always work.

I desperately want to do more work on us, have us do more work on our O/cp relationship, have us work harder on it and on what we want. Once our roommates move out completely and I clean the house and we can keep it clean easier, and I graduate, and we move our bedroom, and we change things around, and we go to Europe, and I get a new job, THEN we can devote ourselves 100%. For now, I’m realizing, we really do not have the time to devote. And that’s fine, as long as we find it eventually. I’m realizing just how much we can actually do vs. how much I want us to do, and trying to realize the balance. I still expect to be fucked, and I still want to be dominated more frequently, but I won’t expect it to be perfect or to be closer to 100% until after we figure out other things.