I’ve been waiting for things to get better between Master and me before jumping into anything else. However, I have been deeply craving for some sort of close relationship with a woman. I used to think that I was submissive with men and dominant with women, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore. My bdsm role has been evolving as I have been (which makes sense). I now think about being dominated by women, and a woman as mentioned previously, but also women in general. I don’t think I would want to be the top in most any relationship.

Right now what I really want (once Master and I get more set in our dynamic, I don’t believe in bringing in new people to try and set or help an existing relationship) a Domme to play with us. She would be someone which my Master would be friends with. He would have the overall say, but would allow her to do as she pleased for the most part. She would not be submissive to him, but, rather, they would be equals and they wouldn’t be sexual with each other, but they would be friendly and intimate. This would make me the center of attention, of course.

I miss being with a woman terribly, and although I love my Master I still long for something different as well. I know he cannot satisfy all of my needs as I don’t think that anyone can 100% satisfy the needs of another. I’m intensely attracted to individuals rather than genders or sexes, but, really, they do play a role as well. I’m not really interested in getting another man in my life right now. Not seriously, anyway. I would play with men, and both Master and I would love to have me playing with other men, but I don’t want to start a relationship with one (unless he’s exceptionally perfect, and even then, I’m not sure if I would want a Master and a Dom… but it would depend on who comes along).

I was hoping that Kat and I could start that relationship. I’ve been waiting for my relationship with Master to improve before delving into it, but now those ideas are discouraged. Like I mentioned last post, though, I do have the slight hope that I might be able to change her mind if I could convince her that I could be submissive to her and she would like it, but I’m not sure if that is possible, just an idea. The more I’m thinking about it, the more I’m unsure of it. I wouldn’t force anything on her, but I do want to bring up the idea of it, just not right now (we’ve talked a bit today, but I didn’t bring this up because she has other things going on, so I’ll bring it up later).

In light of the new development, however, I may start looking for someone else, as my interviewing and worthyness process takes quite a while, and by that time perhaps Master and I will be at the right stage. She has said that she would be jealous if she saw me with another person, and I think it’s because we haven’t actually done anything. I’ll admit, I’ve been jealous of how she’s been in channel with another woman, and I can’t help but wish it was me that she was toying with like that. But, at the same time, I know I couldn’t just do that, and so there is my problem.