Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

FetLife Encourages Great Snark

I just have to share this. I recently greeted someone on FetLife and got this email back:

Thank you for the message. We are close in states.
Do you have Big Tits and Big Ass?

So, I (of course) had to reply after reading his profile which simply reads:

I am new to lifestyle. Like Big Tits, Big Ass. I’m Rich.
I live in Farmington New Mexico.
I have a house, Horse and goat for milk.
I’m here to learn and get Big Tits and Big Ass. I like Dumb Blond but Red can be dumb too.

I replied, and he responded, back and forth. The last two were sent within the last 12 hours:

Me: “I do have big tits and a big ass, but I’m not dumb so I don’t quite fit your other criteria.”
Him: “You can act dumb if you are smart.”
Me: “True, but why would I want to?”
Him: “Cause I am so good.”

Now, I have yet to respond to his being “so good,” and I’m debating if I will. On the one hand, it needs to be addressed, on the other hand anything I say will just go in one ear and out the other at this point, I’m sure of it. Either he is joking with me (which is possible, but not too probable) or he is simply oblivious and naive, which is possible considering his profile. If I do reply it will have to be with something damn perfect.

I am seriously more than amused at this point. I love FetLife, I think there are many wonderful things that happen there, and I love being a greeter, but it’s times like these that I remember that places like FetLife in some way encourage this kind of behavior as well. That’s not to say that FetLife is going around saying “come join here so that you can make and ass out of yourself” or something like that, but it is easy to use, free to join, and attracts the undesirables as well as the desired.

This isn’t exactly bad, as it will help a lot of people figure out things about themselves, even (maybe) the idiots and asshats who think they can just send messages to anyone, including someone whose profile clearly states “owned and collared by Pantos” and although it says I am Polyamorous it says I’m looking for a Mistress or a sub specifically, does he fall into either of those categories? Hmm, let’s think…

Maybe I can use this opportunity to educate him on the finer points of profile diving so that he ends up messaging just those people who might actually be interested in him. Perhaps I could take this opportunity as a way for me to get rid of one of the HNGs out there, to help a poor misguided and delusional man, so that he may come out the other side of it somewhat knowledgeable and not so much hitting on anything he sees. However, I seriously doubt he would take what I said into consideration, which means I can use this opportunity for a much needed snark.


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  1. Pantos

    wow! I really feel threatened now, I can’t hope to compete with rich New Mexicans with both horses and milkable goats. I’m also worried that I might just not be THAT good. On the plus side I’m devilishly sexy with my new shaved head and I can install washers and dryers like a mad man.

  2. Goats are a _huge_ selling point. You might want to rethink things….

    *grins and sends an apology Pantos’ way…the joke was irresistible.*

  3. Aaaahahaha! Yours definitely beats out my weird experience.

    I greeted this guy who happened to be a sub, and he sent me something like three responses talking about how he went on a date with a Dom and la de da… and he kept calling me Mistress! I just kept hitting “Archive… Archive… Archive…” and luckily he hasn’t messaged me since.

  4. @Pantos: You should be threatened, ’cause he’s just so good. I’m not sure if a shaved head and washer and dryer installation can really compare with a horse AND a goat.

    @PantheraPardus: That is definitely what tempted me. I just can’t resist a man with a goat, especially if that goat is for milking. Ah, goats milk, one of life’s sweet treasures…

    @Amber (tieyou_topme): That definitely is strange. I’ve had a stray email from a sub addressing me as Mistress… always weirds me out a little, and I usually have your reaction: ignore and archive. There’s some crazy people out there…

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