Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Month: July 2008

Recognition of a Switch

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On July 4, 2008

In Identity: Submissive, Identity: Top

I recently changed my role on FetLife to switch. In some ways this is a minor change, I’ve called myself a “cuntpet who Tops on occasion” for quite a while, but these desires are moving from occasional to more frequent.

As Master said when I mentioned that I was thinking about embracing this new identity: now that I have a better idea of my submissive side it’s time to delve into another aspect of myself. He said it half-jokingly, but I know in some ways he’s right. My way of delving into myself is much like my way of delving into relationships: one thing must be solid before I can move on to the next. He didn’t seem surprised when I mentioned it to him, and I have a feeling many of you won’t be either.

Now that I’ve had some major changes in how I express my submissive side, and have a more solid mental base for our relationship I am able to explore that other side of myself, the Top side, the (dare I say it?) Domme side. I’ve never suppressed or denied this aspect of myself exactly, I was just focused on another aspect at the time. I’ve been told by many friends whenever I “came out” as kinky that they expected me to inhabit a dominant role, and I’ve been told by a few friends that they thought I have more Domme in me than I would admit to.

Well, that was true. I’ve struggled with my Top side for many reasons, but especially because it would come poking out when Master and I were having troubles, at least I think that’s what it was. I would get so frustrated that I would try to Top him into dominating me and, really, it didn’t work out that well. Topping from the bottom, yes, but not because I’m not also a bottom but because I wasn’t getting what I needed.

That’s all changed, of course, but I do find myself craving more. Not just a woman, though I’ve been craving that for quite some time, but another partner to play with, to explore this other side of myself. I would not want to switch with Master. I can’t see myself Topping him, nor do I want to Top him. I can’t see myself switching with one person, perhaps because my desire and love of power exchange is that it is constant and stable, not changing, but consistent. This isn’t to say that those who do switch with one partner are bad or doing it wrong or not stable or not consistent. Heavens no! I’m just saying that, for me, that’s how I view it.

Perhaps it has to do with the level of power exchange which I desire, though I’m not sure on that. I know that if I was to take on a sub it would have to be casual at first, but I would end up wanting a rather high level of control in the end. Remember, I’m a control freak, and basically want all or nothing. There would have to be some negotiating and figuring out how me having someone would work into Master’s and my relationship, but I can definitely see myself owning someone at some point in time. This is something I’ve thought a lot about, actually, although it’s jumping the gun quite a bit at this point.

I also think “switch” has a lot of the same (negative) connotations that “bisexual” does, such as fence-sitting, not committing, unsure of what they want, not able to commit to anything long-term, really one way and pretending to be the other, things like that. This is part of the reason why I have chosen to start embracing the term.

Switches are misunderstood in many ways as well, I think. Hell, I’ve had many misconceptions and misinterpretations of what switch means, but only before I started training myself to not view labels as fixed identities but as helpful hints to one of many aspects of a person (though I don’t achieve this all the time, I’m working on it).

I may have to change the subtitle to add “and Top” at the end of it. Maybe after I get more settled into this new identity. I need to try it on in a very real way first, not just in my head.

Ode to FetLife

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On July 3, 2008

In Power Play

While most of you have probably encountered or signed up on FetLife already, I am long overdue on a post about it. I have mentioned it in a few other posts already, but not quite done a direct “why I love FetLife” post, and now that I am an Official FetLife Greeter (with a nifty green badge on my profile and everything), and very proud of that fact, it’s time!

I have been on alt.com. I have been on bondage, collarme, okcupid, and I’ve even been on adultfriendfinder, and FetLife is not one of those sites. It’s not a dating site. I mean, sure, it can be used for that if that is your intention, but it is so much more than that.

The brilliant thing (in my opinion) about FetLife is that it is so simple. Profiles, fetishes, groups… that’s really about all that it is comprised of (not to mention various ways to find others profiles and ads, but that’s beside the point). My absolutely favorite aspect of FetLife is the groups. They are simply wonderful and you can get insight into just about everything.

Right now, for example, I started fantastic discussion on the term “fat” over in BBW Submission about two hours ago, and already I’ve had many responses. I have three groups that I call my very own: BDSM Theory, Mental BDSM, and Versatility, and I love each one of them!

So, although most of you know about it already, this is just for that small pocket of the kink population which has not yet found FetLife, just in case there are some of you out there reading this who are not familiar with it (and I know there are at least a few of you). And, if you do end up joining (or if you have a profile already) you should make sure to add me as a friend user: scarletlotus.

My Concept of Femmeinism

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On July 2, 2008

In Equality, Gender Galaxy

As you may have noticed, I’ve changed the title yet again, though this time a minor change from “feminist” to “femmeinist.” Now, the difference is subtle, but I believe there is a big difference. Traditionally feminism has tried to lead women to more androgynous looks, and has really frowned upon femininity as just something which the patriarchy has thought up, a male fantasy, and not something that we should buy into.

As Julia Serano said in Whipping Girl “Even many feminists buy into traditionally sexist notions about femininity–that it is artificial, contrived, and frivolous; that it is a ruse that only serves the purpose of attracting and appeasing the desires of men… After all, as a concept, feminism is much like the ideas of “democracy” or “Christianity.” Each has a major tenet at its core, yet there are a seemingly infinite number of ways in which those beliefs are practiced. And just as some forms of democracy and Christianity are corrupt and hypocritical while others are more just and righteous we… must… forge a new type of feminism, one that understands that the only way for us to achieve true gender equity is to abolish both oppositional sexism* and traditional sexism.**”

Femmeinist thought, however, embraces femininity and femmeininity, and is working toward that new type of feminism (or, femmeinism). While currently gender politics is still working on abolishing oppositional sexism*, traditional sexism** still abounds. It is in the fact that in order to be “gender neutral” one must look masculine, there is nearly no way to be gender neutral while really taking on feminine characteristics. Femininity must be strong, otherwise it wouldn’t be that if someone is wearing make up or a skirt that seems to automatically negate any other masculine gendered performance.

Something I came across here via The Femme Show was a definition of what femme is, or can be: “[the femme is] a betrayer of legibility itself. Seemingly “normal,” she responds to “normal” expectations with a sucker punch– she occupies normality abnormally.” – Lisa Duan and Kathleen McHugh from “A Fem(me)inist Manifesto” This is why part of my idea of who can be femme or not does not have to do only with sexuality. Femme is not about who you sleep with, though it can be, but there are plenty of feminine lesbians who are not femme. Femme is about consciousness: a conscious genderfuck in the rouse of traditional femininity. Anyone who consciously takes on the role of femininity as a deviant identity can be femme. Though, I believe it is easier for those who are already outside of social norms, such as lesbians and bisexual women, to come to a queer femininity and embrace it.

Femme is not something that sneaks up on you (though, it can sneak up on you in some ways, but there must be a conscious awareness to it as well), there is a definite change that happens from feminine to femme, or butch to femme or butch to genderqueer to femme (as was, in some ways, my transition). There is a transition, as with any trans identity: female to femme, perhaps. There is a wonderful movie which I am dying to see (I’ve only seen the trailer for it) which is called FtF: Female to Femme (you can view the trailer here). It seems like a step in the right direction.

I have so much more to say about femme, so many more ideas, and I will have more posts on it in the near future. This is kind of a rough-draft. Expect more and deeper investigation.

* oppositional sexism – “The belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each posessing a unique and nonoverlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires.”
** traditional sexism – “The belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity.”

June in a Glance

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On July 1, 2008

In Site Specific

June was a busy month for me (aren’t they usually?), but also my most active month on here thus far. I got a lot of what I wanted posted, and also started up a bunch of drafts which I never finished, but there’s always time this month.

In June, Master and I had a lot of discoveries and improvements to our relationship, getting to a very good place, a place where I feel comfortable going in deeper and exploring myself and my role in our relationship, as shown by a few posts. I was able to get deeper into my submission to him, analyzing and discovering it in new ways.

I also began posting more non-personal things than previously: video clips, links to conference information and anthologies, and some general information type things within the topics outlined in the subtitle of the blog. I also posted in my first and second sugasm’s (and plan on more in the future), and met a new friend.

Now, the post roundup, going down the subjects of the title and subtitle of the blog, aka my identities and my topics:

feminist

sex-positive

fat

femme

queer

24/7 submissive

  • The Aim of Discussion is This – The aftermath of the trip Master and I took, musings about our relationship, the steps we were beginning to take to restore or revamp it, and questioning my Dominant side.
  • Transformation at a Good Pace – Similar to the previous, information about the changes we worked on in our relationship.
  • Thunderfuck – Orgasm frustration and fucking during a wonderful thunderstorm.
  • The Perfect Cure for Grumpyness – How helplessness, bondage, and submitting help me get rid of grumpy feelings.
  • Impromptu Ravishment Play – Thoughts on ravishment/rape play, my ideas of my reasons for desiring it, and the (impromptu) scenario which Master and I engaged in.

cuntpet

all else

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