Tag: queer love

Helpless

On October 29, 2010

In a Love: Onyx, Identity: Submissive, Power Play, Smut

He straddles my waist where I lay and pins my arms against me. I’m still able to squirm but know that even if I tried to get free it would be difficult. Not that I want to try. I look up at him, helpless beneath him, and he just grins and slaps first my left cheek and then my right. I whimper my false protests as my cheeks turn rosy red and sting from the impact.

The same hand connects with each of my breasts in turn. I squirm and try to cover them but am unable to free my arms. He likes me like this: helpless, unable to stop his ravaging of my body as he chooses. I like me like this: helpless, without the ability to move or cover myself, knowing my protests will not stop him.

A few more slaps and he moves to unzip his pants, not bothering to take off his clothes or my own as he rises up a bit. He shifts enough to let my hungry mouth find his cock, or for him to shove it into my mouth. They both happen simultaneously. I try to move my head as best as I am able but for the most part he is just fucking my face. Yet he’s not just fucking my face, he’s telling me through his actions that I am his for the taking, and I’m lapping it up.

It doesn’t take him long to lean against the wall behind my head and really start moving his hips up and down, his cock gliding in and out of my wet mouth.

Occasionally as he fucks my face he presses all the way in until his balls hit my chin and I have difficulty breathing. Sometimes he pinches my nose shut when he does this. I fight my gag reflex for as long as possible before my throat contracts around his cockhead in the way I know he enjoys. I gag once and then twice at the minimum before he lets me breathe again.

He’s usually gracious and gives me a few breaths to recover with after gagging. I sometimes cough or sputter but always move my mouth toward his cock soon after, taking the initiative in a way even as I’m still trapped beneath him. Most often he will utilize this moment by slapping my face, or playing with my breasts or nipples.

Sometimes he will come in my mouth like this, but this time he moves down between my legs which spread easily for him and he slips his cock into my cunt, made wet from his rough treatment. My throat lets out a moan as I move to meet his thrust as best I can. He takes me effortlessly, occasionally grunting his own pleasure but mostly staying silent as my own sounds fill the air.

We move together for what seems like forever, I clench myself around him as he drives in and out of my wet cunt. I am able to hear my wetness with every movement, the realization of which makes me blush internally, my face already flushed from the activity. He moves my legs so they are up straight against him, my feet on his shoulders, changing the angle so his cockhead hits my g-spot perfectly. My moans change and hands start gripping the wall behind me for support.

Suddenly he pulls out and pushes my legs to the side, guiding me onto my knees. I catch a glimpse of his face which is devoid of expressive emotion. He is at once distant from me and present with me. He is treating me like his fucktoy and I am more than happy to receive it. I quickly move into the right position, backing my hips up against him until his hardness slips inside me again and he continues fucking me with renewed fervor.

I am in heaven for the next few minutes as his cock continues to stimulate my g-spot, the familiar feeling welling up in me, so akin to needing to pee yet not the same at all. I brace myself against the wall again as his movements become even more demanding, shoving my body forward with each thrust. I let my body move with the force of him while also pushing back. His hands are on my hips both to stabilize himself and to guide my movements, a constant reminder of his control.

He starts grunting even more, almost growling as he nears his orgasm, focused on taking his pleasure out on me, letting me feel the depth of his lust for me as I absorb it all into my being.

I am His in this moment, completely and utterly.

Soon he lets out a loud growl as he begins to come. I can feel him exploding in me and make sure to squeeze my cunt muscles tight around him, my feet move to hook around his shins as he kneels behind me, a small gesture.

Once movement stops we both pant for breath and he rolls us over onto our sides. Our clothes still separate our flesh from each other in most places. I can feel the roughness of his jeans against my ass.

Spooning, he wraps an arm around me, the other serving as my pillow. My hand entwines with his and my legs slip between his. My ankles rest on his shins. I am enveloped by him even as he is still enveloped by me. I am again trapped by his limbs, this time helpless against the love and comfort he provides.

Growing Pains

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 26, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Introspection, Polyamory

There has been so much going on the last two weeks since she got here, so much more than I could ever write about. There have been amazing moments of pleasure and passion and there have been break downs and problems and tears. We are all working on adjusting to this new situation which snuck up on us so fast we weren’t prepared.

Marla and I are better than ever. We’re getting used to each others’ quirks and issues, getting used to living together, wanting to spend every moment together.

Onyx and I, however, are having more issues, or a lot of our past issues are being brought to light now that Marla is living with us. I didn’t think I was heading in to that well-known poly “relationship broken, add more people” issue, but it turns out that’s the case.

I thought that Onyx and I were at a good place, and that Marla found us while we were in that state, but my relationship with Marla has really made me realize some things about my relationship with Onyx. It’s funny how that can happen.

Luckily for us, at least, we are realizing where we have issues and we are slowly but surely getting an idea of what to work on. It’s going to be an interesting road ahead or some other cliche, but it will be worth it.

There are just so many things for us all to adjust to in our new configuration and we are still figuring out how we all fit together. Marla and Onyx aren’t as connected or intimate as Marla needs to be able to be sexually intimate with Onyx and so that has been an unforeseen challenge to figure out in addition to the general shock of the move and general upheaval of all of our lives. We are all slowly working through it together, however, and we are developing sexual and emotional intimacy with each other as a triad, but it takes time.

Onyx has been working on opening up more, we all have really, and that has been a shock to me and something I’ve been working on getting used to. He’s going through a major transformation right now I think too and is working on figuring everything out in general, in many ways Marla is doing the exact same thing.

Marla’s change is maybe a bit more obvious as her entire life is overturned by moving so far away from everything she knows. She has so much to deal with, and I’m trying to help in any way possible while also working on my relationship with Onyx and figuring things out for myself.

It’s not always been easy, in fact it’s rarely been easy, but we’re taking it one step at a time and things are getting better and better. No one said poly was easy, in fact quite the opposite. However I’m constantly contented with where we all are at because I know it’s going to get to a place that works for all of us one day, and the key is that we are all willing to talk about it, talk with each other, figure things out, and we are all committed to being together.

Butch/Femme (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 16, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Gender Galaxy, Introspection

This week’s HNT was Marla’s idea. We’ve been doing a lot of gender play since she got here in many different forms, and that combined with my newly cut hair, walking through this park a couple days ago and wanting to take pictures in front of the waterfalls, and the dress she’s wearing (which I was wearing yesterday) all gave her the idea for these shots.

I set up and took the pictures with my tripod and little camera remote (so handy!).

We got a little naughty in the park, it’s rare I’m on the other side of the skirt and I took full advantage of the fact she wasn’t wearing panties. Luckily there weren’t too many people around. You can see a hint of that in a couple of the pictures below.

Click any picture for a larger version of the same.

First a little of me…

One of her…

Then a little of us…

Check out Marla’s HNT for some of the same and some different photos!

Where the Kisses are Hers and Hers and His

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 16, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory

It’s always funny how life gets in the way of blogging about life. I have had a dramatic decline in posting since meeting Marla, which is understandable because everything has been going so intense and so fast and I have just had less time to do things like post. I miss it, though. Having weeks where the only things I post are Pleasurists’ and HNT’s kind of makes me sad. While I love doing Pleasurists and posting HNT’s I am definitely itching to post.

Marla moved here on July 5th and it’s been rather crazy and amazing ever since. This is the first time she’s moved far away from her family and has never not been able to see her mother and the rest of her family on a semi-daily basis, that in itself has been difficult. In addition she also had to had emergency surgery only a few days before moving, which has also added to the stress.

The connection between Marla and me is amazing. I can’t really describe how wonderful it is. I’m constantly floating with NRE, and the strong desire and love we have for each other is a big part of the reason why she moved here so quickly.

While Marla and Onyx love each other they hadn’t had nearly as much time to build a relationship with each other than Marla and I had, which has been the largest issue since Marla arrived. It’s been hard on all of us, but the combination of stresses and not knowing how she and Onyx are going to relate has been extremely difficult on Marla. Being in the middle of it all has made me, the one who wants to fix everything immediately, often extremely frustrated as there isn’t a lot I can do to help.

We hit a breaking point a few days ago and we all spent some time apart collecting our thoughts and overanalyzing as we always do. Luckily since then things have been wonderful and the two of them have been closer as well.

Since Marla and I are both not working we have quite a bit of time together on the days Onyx is not working, which is very nice for all that NRE business to get semi out of our systems (for lack of a better term) before he comes home so we can all focus on being together. It’s really quite an odd situation, but we are doing our bests to make it work. The most amazing thing is that despite all the downs we all have amazing ups and even when we were at our lowest we all wanted to be together.

It’s quite a crazy ride, but we’re all getting closer every day, and I really do think that once we all get through this transition period and get past the extremely fast changes that are happening we will all be happy and solid together. We are all willing to put in the work and we all know it’s not going to be easy but it will be worth it.

Sickeningly Sweet (HNT)

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On July 2, 2009

In a Love: Marla, a Love: Onyx, Introspection, Polyamory

These were taken less than an hour before we all went to the airport last time she was here. A lot has happened since.

I think her latest post sums up quite a lot, and captures the excitement and fear we all are feeling for different reasons on her moving here. She will be here on Saturday the 4th indefinitely.

She is making a wonderful sacrifice for us, leaving her family, friends, and life behind to come up here to Seattle to be with us, to start a new life. It’s not going to be easy, and we’re all apprehensive about what lies ahead while also being extremely excited to be together.

I love them both so amazingly much. Every day brings her closer to us, and every day brings us all closer together in one way or another. We are all realizing past mistakes and committed to correcting them. We are dedicated and committed to each other, and that will get us farther than many.

The thing I’ve heard most from people when telling them about our relationship dynamic is that triads aren’t easy. This is undoubtedly true, though no relationship worth having is going to be easy. Throw in the fact that one partner has been thousands of miles away for the last six months and that just makes it that much more complicated. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s definitely been worth it.

As we creep closer to that wonderful moment when we will all be together again my excitement builds far faster than my fear. I know everything will work out, we’ve been through so much already that we know how committed we all are to the other. Living together will create new unique challenges and issues to work through but we will get through them together and be stronger because of it.

The Day & Parting: The End of the Beginning

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 17, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory

from ArTeTeTrA

Chances are I’ll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You’ll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I’ll hold you and I’ll offer
All I have”
-Chances Are

This is the fifth and final installment from my NYC/DC trip continued from The Beginning: New York City, The (Un)conference: Getting to D.C. & Sex 2.0, The Meeting: Kissing At Red Lights, and The First Night: Getting Down to Business. This is less chronological than the last few and more just what I remember.

We awoke after just a few hours, hungry for each others bodies again, first moving to snuggle before fucking. It was Sunday, which was also Mother’s Day so we both called our mothers and wished them well. I didn’t get ahold of mine right away, but my Dad called and I talked with him. I had mentioned to my parents about meeting Marla prior to our actual meeting and although I had never talked with either about my being polyamorous they were both completely unphased at the idea of me being involved with more than one person. I hadn’t really gone into any other detail.

After our daughterly duties were done I crawled back into the big fluffy white bed with her and we called Onyx, eager to hear his voice. Although he had said the night before that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to hear us fooling around on the phone I decided that he needed to because I knew how much he wanted to. I assumed his hesitance came from fear and potential pain, so I made sure he was included every step of the way.

I started rubbing Marla’s clit and inserted two fingers into her, making her tell Onyx what I was doing each time I changed something, calling her names and getting her hotter, letting him hear us both as I played with her. I soon inserted a third finger, and then a fourth, stretching her deliciously around my fingers, making her beg for more as I opened her up. Onyx was stroking his cock at this point while I was fucking her with my fingers and rubbing her clit with my other hand.

I remember she came like that, but I don’t remember how many times.

My thumb slid into her wet and open cunt so that I could press my hand further inside, all the while curling up and playing with her g-spot and rubbing her clit, driving her mad while Onyx listened and I took pleasure in making her writhe and come. I delighted in the feeling of her spongy slick walls gripping my hand as she got off on me pressing more and more of my hand into her, pulling out and doing it again, over and over, filling her up.

Once she was sated, I believe we listened to Onyx come over the phone as he stroked his cock for his two happily listening partners thousands of miles away. He grunted and groaned and we encouraged him as he got to the edge, asking him to come for us.

Then attentions were turned to me, though I protested a little because I hadn’t completely been able to come despite wanting to and also I was feeling a little insecure about coming with Marla while on the phone with Onyx, I was stupidly thinking that he would prefer to hear her be fucked than me. This way of thinking has since been cleared up, but it was present at the time.

I lay on my back and Marla began rubbing my clit and pressing her fingers into me, doing what I had done to her earlier, fucking me with her fingers while I sat back and took it. I told Onyx what she was doing so that he knew what was going on. I moaned and writhed as she fucked me so wonderfully, and despite my previous inability to I ended up coming while she fucked me with Onyx on the phone. It wasn’t as hard as any of us would have liked, but it definitely was an orgasm.

Onyx declared that he wanted more pictures, so we ended up taking a few for him and chatting until we decided we really needed to order something to eat. We decided on Thai food and after much roundaboutness and much distraction (read: fucking) we ended up getting it a few hours later. Sitting in bed we ate our food, Marla’s first introduction to Thai food, and made makeshift chopsticks out of coffee stirrers.

We lounged, fucked, talked with Onyx, twittered, and played Mafia Wars and My Zoo for the next few hours before as we got in touch with Jay and Ellie who were at Sex 2.0 and were staying a couple extra days after the conference to see the sights and such. We all decided to meet up to go swimming and just generally spend some time with each other.

Once we got more fucking, fooling around, and cuddling out of our system we finally got our suits on and headed to the pool waiting for Jay and Ellie to arrive. We had the desire to have some pool sex, but there was a lifeguard and other people around, but we did sneak in much fondling and groping under the water. Ellie and Jay arrived for the last 20 minutes or so of swimming, then we all headed back to our room to dry off, change, and chat.

After much great conversation about a wide range of topics they left and we were alone again and hungry! We called Onyx, ordered food, snuggled, and again ate it in bed. That night we were too damn tired to fuck again, which was pretty remarkable. We lay in bed cuddling and drifted to sleep in each others’ arms.

The next morning we awoke later than we would have liked, and after cuddling we immediately started packing and getting ready to go. We had to be out of the hotel by 11 but Marla did not have to head back home until about 1pm. I nearly cried while we were packing, knowing that we were going to part. After packing and hurrying out of the hotel we got to her car and headed to the same Thai restaurant we had delivered to us the day before.

We were both filled with sadness that we would have to part so soon and ate our meal sitting next to each other and often holding hands. There were moments tears filled my eyes and I wanted to cry for I was anticipating the missing of her and having to say goodbye.

Once we were finished we made our way to the Bolt Bus and said goodbye in her car. Many tears and hugs and kisses were exchanged, although I teared up I didn’t cry as hard as she did because I wanted to be strong for her and help her with the pain I had been struggling with for hours. It took us quite some time to actually part, preferring to linger in each others’ presence for as long as possible.

I watched her car until she was too far away to see, waving and sending my love with her for her long drive back home. We exchanged texts and calls while she was driving home and I was on the bus back to New York. I had a couple more days in New York after that, but quite literally all I did was sleep and see my sisters, recovering from the amazing weekend and lack of sleep. On Wednesday I made my way to JFK and headed back to Seattle.

The First Night: Getting Down To Business

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 4, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory, Smut

Found via The Alexa Collection.

“It’s business time
You know when I’m down to my socks it’s time for business
That’s why they’re called business socks ooh”
-“Business Time” – Flight of the Conchords

“There’s nothin’ wrong
With me lovin’ you
Baby, no, no
And givin’ yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true”
-Let’s Get It On
(which has a special place in our relationship, as Jack Black’s version of it is all of our ringtones for each other)

This is the fourth installment from my NYC/DC trip continued from The Beginning: New York City, The (Un)conference: Getting to D.C. & Sex 2.0, and The Meeting: Kissing At Red Lights.

There are many aspects of our first time that are a blur, but I remember playing with her breasts quite a bit, licking and sucking on her nipples and flicking them with my fingers.

I remember her bra and shirt being taken off, then going for her cunt beneath her jeans, at which point she protested that she couldn’t get completely naked before I had even taken off anything. I chuckled and told her that wasn’t going to happen, she tried to get her hand under my skirt, I pulled away and continued to molest her until I acquiesced and took off my shirt and bra then slipped out of my skirt as she took her pants off.

Most else after that is a big happy endorphin-rushed blur. I remember when I first slid my hand across her cunt lips, felt her wetness, found her clit beneath my fingers and sunk my fingers into her. I can still see the way she writhed, how her body arched and shook as she came from a stimulation so simple as a thumb on her clit and two fingers inside her.

What amazed me the most was how casual it all felt, how right, how perfect. Nothing felt forced or unnatural, fucking her came as easy to me as breathing, and I wanted to do it as often as I breathed. There was no time with her that I did not want to push her down and enter her, feel her coming beneath me as I kissed her or played with her nipples.

Once I had fucked her and made her come a few times, she excitedly rolled me over and got out her Pure Wand so she could introduce me to it. All I can say is: holy fuck. I knew I needed a Pure Wand but I didn’t know how much I NEEDED a Pure Wand. It was both hot and amusing because the six steel rings through my inner labia kept jingling against the steel of the Pure Wand and she either started singing Jingle Bells or just alluded to it. See what I mean about comfortable?

I was having a hard time coming, which often happens to me. This was extremely frustrating for us both. I have since postulated that the more aroused I am the more difficult it is for me to come, which seems counter-intuitive but somehow seems to also be true. I take not being able to come as simply a sign that I was way too aroused for my own body to handle.

My inability to come combined with my intense desire to fuck her and make her come at any given time ended up meaning that she didn’t fuck me as much as I fucked her. I didn’t mind as much as she did, though, because I was mostly frustrated at my body and much preferred to spend my time exploring hers. This wasn’t really fair to her but I have promised she will have the chance to make it up to me this coming weekend.

Once we fucked sufficiently and were coming down we called Onyx immediately to see how he was doing and check in. He mentioned he wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle hearing us on the phone with each other, but there was much talking, many professions of love, and many Facebook games played (we are all addicted to Mafia Wars and My Zoo and couldn’t resist playing them during breaks in fucking).

We both had our Big Foot storage bags with us and we dumped them out on the bed, effectively covering half the bed with sex toys! While we didn’t use all of them we certainly got a lot of mileage out of most of them.

As Marla said in her post, “while time seemed to stop, my stomach did not,” once we could tear ourselves away from both fucking and talking with Onyx long enough to figure out what we wanted to eat it was already past 11 and most places were closed for delivery. Room service was out of the question due to expense so we ended up ordering a pizza, the only thing we could find so late for delivery, and after burning up many calories the best way possible and having not eaten since noon for me and earlier for her it was possibly the most delicious pizza I have had in quite some time.

We talked with Onyx again after pizza and got super tired, deciding that sleep was in order. We snuggled, eskimo kissed (which I do a lot and love to do), caressed, and eventually I started rubbing her cunt again until she came. I just couldn’t take my hands off of her!

At some point the blindfold came out and she instructed me to lay back because we were going to play a game: Guess That Dildo! It was quite fun, actually, though I still couldn’t come. She fucked me with dildo after dildo while she rubbed my clit, I rubbed my clit, I used Gigi on my clit, and while I was feeling it and definitely aroused it just didn’t happen. Needless to say we were both disappointed and frustrated.

The game did lead to me exclaiming “my cunt reads dildos like braille!” Which I was highly amused at saying, as I guessed every toy correctly except for Ella simply because I forgot that she had brought Ella with her. I think I fucked her again at this point, because if I wasn’t able to come at least one of us should, dammit! After that we turned off the lights, snuggled up, and joked and eskimo kissed our way to sleep.

Just as she said in her post, because I can’t think of a better way to say it: “Waking up next to her the next morning was the closest thing to perfection I have ever felt. Sunday is another post, for another day.”

The Meeting: Kissing At Red Lights

By Tai Fenix Kulystin

On June 4, 2009

In a Love: Marla, Identity: Queer Intellisexual, Introspection, Polyamory

Found via The Alexa Collection, photographer unknown.

“I remember clearly how you looked
The night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace and style

And now you’re all I wanna see”
-Chances Are

Now that I’ve written about New York City and Sex 2.0 I feel I can get into what you really want to hear about: meeting Marla!

She already wrote about it a few weeks ago and said she wouldn’t write the second installment of her version of it until I got mine out, which gave me the push I needed. It’s not that I didn’t or don’t want to write about the amazing time we had together it’s just kind of painful to rehash all those memories because I miss her so much. However, she is going to be here on Friday so I really need to write up our time together before I see her again! Or so I think.

Like I said near the end of the last post…

I had been reading and responding to her tweets and texts of her getting closer and closer and knew she would arrive around 5:40 or so. Once the last session was over I said my goodbyes and zoomed up to my room to pack everything up. As I was packing she called me informing me of how close she was (her TomTom said less than a mile at that point, I think!) and suggested I pack things up, though I was already a step ahead of her. Once I was finished packing I went downstairs and waited for what felt like ages for her to show up.

Butterflies were overwhelming. I had asked her earlier what color her car was so every time a gold car passed by I would look to see if she was in it. I was so excited and so nervous I wasn’t even sure what to do when she got there! She drove up and parked in the little hotel pick-up/drop-off area in front of where I was standing, jumped out of the car and came rushing over to me.

I was grinning like an idiot at this point, I’m sure, and she threw her arms around me and tacklehugged me so fiercely I stumbled a little and thought I might actually fall over. This woke me up a bit out of my stupor and then we were kissing, and somehow we got to the car and put my stuff in after kissing more and me sliding my hand into her hair and tugging. She made the most wonderful sounds as I pulled her hair, which would continue through the weekend. I knew that we both were extremely nervous but that this was going to be amazing.

We started on our journey through D.C. to Virginia and our hotel. I had to tweet about meeting her and she did so too while we were making our way to the hotel. We quickly called Onyx so he could take part in our meeting and we all remarked on how strange it was for the situation to be reversed! We all were so used to Onyx and me on the phone with Marla and not Marla and me on the phone with Onyx.

After much conversation with Onyx, passing the Washington Monument on our way to Alexandria, VA, and a few failed attempts to kiss at red lights (damn seatbelt kept getting in my way) we made it to the hotel, did the check-in stuff, parked, and went up to the room. We had swimming, as well as food, and getting to know each other biblically *ahem* on the agenda but it took us a while to get to the first two.

I could tell when we got into the room that she was as nervous as I was, we set our stuff down and got comfortable, I plugged my computer in so we could look up restaurants in the area and whatever else two net-addicted people need to do. She was on her stomach and I sat beside her and began rubbing her shoulders, we were talking about… something, I don’t remember, probably her drive and if/when she had eaten. I leaned down and bit her shoulder, and things progressed from there…