Purveyor of Pleasure

Pleasure is my business, my life, my joy, my purpose.

Tag: Cuntpet Defined

Cuntpet Revisited, or: A Horrible slave but a Wonderful cuntpet

This is something I’ve been meaning to post on for a while now, but I just haven’t been able to get around to it. Some of you may have noticed that I took cuntpet out of the title of this blog as well as out of the nick I was using (scarlet lotus cuntpet–now scarlet lotus sexgeek). Cuntpet.com still forwards to this site, and will for quite some time until/unless I choose to do something else with it, and I do still embrace my cuntpet-hood, it was not for that reason that I have taken it out, for it is still in the subtitle “24/7 submissive cuntpet” because that’s how I identify.

Cuntpet has come to be an identity for me, not just a name. This was also it’s original intention but I didn’t realize what that meant at the time. Another original intention of cuntpet was simply to get away from the term “slave.”

I dislike “slave” as my personal identity, and although I used to embrace it, I did not do so wholeheartedly. There has always been something not quite right about it for me, which brought me to the search for something different. I don’t like the historical connotations, or the indication that as a slave I would have no choice whatsoever. While I do think that is one thing which distinguishes slave from sub I also did not (and do not) embrace sub (though I embrace submissive, but that’s for another post). I believe that all consensual slaves have a choice, as they are choosing to be a slave, otherwise it cannot be consensual.

I also dislike the “I’m a slave, therefore somehow better than just a sub” mentality, though it’s nearly impossible to get away from. Not everyone feels like this, of course, and not everyone thinks there’s that sort of hierarchy within different BDSM roles. I don’t believe that someone who is a bedroom-only submissive is any more or less of a submissive than someone who is submissive in a 24/7 M/s relationship.

I didn’t realize how much I have started to dislike the identity of slave for me (not for others who choose to embrace it, just for me personally) until Master and I were talking earlier this week and he mentioned that I signed up to be his slave (which therefore has certain requirements along with it, that too is another post). It wasn’t appropriate at the time to correct him, though I mentioned it roundaboutly later, but inside my head I screamed “not slave! Cuntpet!” Though in some ways they mean the same thing. I even went through and changed all the references to me as “slave” in our contract, protocols, etc. to read “cuntpet” as you can see.

My idea of what it means to be a cuntpet has changed slightly since my original conception of it:

My use of the term “cuntpet” incorporates four dynamics within it: Owner/cunt, Owner/servant, Owner/fucktoy, and Owner/pet. All of these are similar and different in their own ways, some overlap to an extent, some are almost contradictory, and all of which I identify with and either have or am striving to have in my current relationship.

Owner/cunt is an identity which I have lifted from a post by cunt of Under His Hand, which I take to mean as a way of having fun with bratting and force fetishism within an Owner/owned framework. As she said: “I get to have my “force fetish” scratched without it having hidden meanings of anything bad. I get to dance out of reach and sing “make me” and then run like hell, because he will make me and it will hurt.” Basically I see this aspect as the ability to be stubborn and strong-willed at times, the ability to not be the “perfect slave,” and to play with force, bratting, but also not being able to get away with it, and being completely overpowered in the end.

The cunt aspect of my submissiveness is almost directly opposed to many ideas of what a “slave” or even a 24/7 submissive “should” be. I don’t subscribe to “should”s and think that everyone is able to embrace whatever label they so choose, because labels are not boxes, but categories, and nothing is confined to just one category (my complete view of labels will be another post).

Owner/servant is slightly more self-explanatory. I have come to think of this in some ways as being his personal assistant. I am here to assist him in any way he needs/desires, be that maintaining the cleanliness of the house, fetching him drinks, preparing meals, and all those other daily little things. This aspect of my submission to him does not come as easily to me as the other three aspects do, but mostly that is due to inherent procrastination and not the desire not to serve him.

I love doing things for him, don’t get me wrong. I love the look of happiness he gets on his face when I do something for him, and I love the warm feeling I get from serving him, but sometimes (like when I’m sore and have trouble moving, or when I’m in the middle of something else) it is difficult for me to do for him as quickly as he or I would like. I believe that servant/personal assistant (pa) is the weakest aspect of my submission, and something which I need to work more on, both for him and for me as well.

Owner/fucktoy incorporates the sexual aspects of my submission to him. This aspect represents my sexual willingness and desires, not encompassed by the other aspects. This is my having given over my body to him as his property, my willingness and desire to be used by him in any way he desires. Different from the cunt aspect which craves force, this aspect is the one which simply craves to be used like a whore, like a toy.

Willingness is a big part of this aspect. It’s about embracing and releasing my inner harlot, it’s about being an eager and shameless fucktoy for his (and my own) pleasure. It’s about giving in to all those sexual desires quaking within me. It’s about being able to be free in my sexuality. The ability to be fucked hard and thoroughly without any thought to my own pleasure, but deriving pleasure simply from being used exactly as we desire.

Owner/pet is also somewhat self-explanatory, though also has a bit of the servant and fucktoy aspects in it as well, which is part of why I chose cuntpet (though mostly because it was the best sounding and cuntservanttoypet is too long and doesn’t sound nearly as good). I have always said that I love to be fucked like a dirty whore but also pampered like a prized pet, depending on my mood and the mood of my Owner. Also, one of Master’s favorite terms for me is to call me his pet, it has been for a very long time.

This is the aspect which in some ways covers all the rest, but only with explanation, I think. If I was just to consider myself a pet the other aspects would not come through the same way as they do with cuntpet, though As I said in my first definition of cuntpet: pets can be strong and willful, independent, stubborn, and spirited, while at the same time being able to be tamed.

My darling Kat had a saying “A wild horse doesn’t need to be broken. If she is tamed properly she will still have fire in her eyes while eating out of the palm of your hand.” This quote, in some ways, encompasses the cunt, pet, and servant aspects. I am looking to be tamed, while still retaining everything about me. I desire to be overpowered, tamed, and trained into the mental mindset of each of the other aspects.

Cunt and fucktoy come the easiest to me, then pet, and servant. Even though I have the desire to serve and to do for him I have become jaded over the ten plus years I have been exploring and playing with aspects of my submission, not to mention it’s difficult to work up the desire to clean when it is way too hot outside and in (we lack air conditioning) and when I have things I want to write, and when… the list of excuses goes on. I do have the desire, but inertia is so much easier to give into rather than fight.

We are making massive steps forward, however. I am closer to the mindset I desire than I have been ever before, and we are working better than we have ever before. I constantly marvel at the fact that despite living together for two years, being together for three, I still elate when he comes home from work, or when I know I will see him after being apart for hours. I still ache for his touch, and desire to explore more with him.

One of our major downfalls was that our relationship started as completely sexual-based when I (we?) desired to have a mental D/s connection. Due to lots of hard work, however, we are closer to Owner and cuntpet than we have been before.

Owner/cuntpet

I have been trying to come up with better terms for what I engage in than Master/Mistress and slave. I think I need a combination of Owner/cunt, Owner/pet, and Owner/(sexual) servant. So maybe I’m a sexual service cuntpet? Heh. Perhaps pet can encompass all of these?

What I mean by this: Owner/cunt as described by cunt is something I take to mean as having fun with bratting, in many ways, and being able to mouth off and protest and curse and do all the things a “proper slave” is supposedly not supposed to do. These are things I enjoy to do at times, though not at others. Well, correction, I’m a smart-ass all the time, regardless, and I am a brat quite often, though not always for the aim of being forced into submission. I enjoy being forced and overpowered and just, well, dominated. I definitely have a force fetish. However, I do enjoy service also, I do enjoy other aspects of slavehood, not just being forced. Thus, the other aspects.

My service is primarily sexual, though not only. I enjoy doing for him in whatever way he needs, as a symbol or signal of my submission to him and as a gesture of my love, adoration, and worship of not only him but also our chosen dynamic. I love serving him sexually, being told what to do, ordered around, and also just giving that service to him. We have expanded my service to other mundane things such as making and serving him food and drinks (which I would do anyway, but we have made it into more of an expression of my submission by adding gesture and word to it should we be alone, or simply eye contact and both of us mentally acknowledging my gift at that point). I enjoy doing menial mundane things for him as well as the sexual service which I readily and eagerly provide.

Master calls me pet, I think it’s his favorite term for me, really. I have always fancied my submission as being a mixture of pampered pet and dirty whore, and my idea of Owner/pet is that of a pampered pet as well as an eager follower. Pets can be strong and willful, independent, stubborn, and spirited, while at the same time being able to be tamed or broken. One of my favorite quotes, which Kat introduced me to, and I don’t remember who it is by, but she may let us know in a comment and I will amend this: “A wild horse doesn’t need to be broken. If she is tamed properly she will still have fire in her eyes while eating out of the palm of your hand.” This is really what I mean when I say “broken.” I don’t mean broken in an unhealthy sort of way, or in a way that would squelch my spirit and self, but in a way that would tame me for the time being, with the knowledge and desire for me to become strong and willful and etc. again, but also be able to have this “broken” or tamed space within which I can be as well.

This may be the best for an overall idea, Owner/pet, though I think that “pet” carries different connotations than those I would be using them for, but maybe that’s okay, because, really, no matter what word I use it will have some sort of connotation or another. Perhaps I just need a new word altogether, but even that would carry a connotation in a sense. Perhaps “cuntpet” is a more fitting and accurate term, which carries with it damn near the connotations that I would like associated with it and me and my submission. So, after all this musing, I come back to what I said at the beginning of the entry: so maybe I’m a sexual service cuntpet. Or just cuntpet for short.

Though, this doesn’t address my generalization issues, as mentioned in the last post as well, that this is rather specifically a female term, and though I do know some boys are called cunt too, I’m not sure if it would work. However, at this point I’m not as much worried about it generalizing as I am about just wanting something which is individually mine. Maybe that’s all that matters. Cuntpet is me, and very specific.

Breakfast

Read in Episode #3 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

You come up behind me as I’m working in the kitchen, making us breakfast after our long night of play, my body still tingling from waking each other up this morning, and my ass still sore from the beating I received the night before. Not because I was bad, much to the contrary, you just know what I like, and you made me ask for it this time.

I can feel you approaching behind me, but I do nothing, I just wait for you to slip your arms around me, and you do. I feel your lips slide against my naked shoulder, move to kiss my neck softly, and I melt back against you, the knife I was chopping garlic with falling softly to the cutting board. I slide a hand back to slip into your hair as you kiss my soft flesh. I love the way you make me feel, even just with a kiss.

You lift your head and I feel one of your hands move from my waist. my own hand moves to pick up the knife, to resume making breakfast, but halts, hovering before it as your hand slips in my hair and tugs my head back, exposing more of my throat to you, exposing me to you, making me vulnerable. I’m glad that I hadn’t started cooking yet and was still chopping things as you came down the stairs.

I let out a soft sound of surprise and you tug me around, making me turn and face you. My head still slightly back, trying to look at you. I see a smile on your face as you lower your lips back to my neck and kiss it again softly, for a moment, before letting your teeth sink in to the soft tender flesh. I inhale sharply and exhale on a moan, pressing my body against yours as your teeth dig into my flesh. My hands reach behind me to find the counter, my eyes close, feeling the pain flood my body with pleasure.

You release my neck and my hair, moving to kiss me hungrily, our passion rising again, not long since the last time. The garlic and vegetables forgotten on the counter, you move me backwards out of the kitchen and to the side of the table, moving me so my back is against the wall and pressing your body against mine, trapping me there, your lips finding mine again, our tongues twirling, swirling, mingling together in a familiar dance. My hands moving, in the meantime, between our bodies, already aching for you, finding your cock with my hands and stroking it softly.

Slowly, you break the kiss, and press down against my shoulders, silently ordering me to my knees. I brace myself back against the wall and slide down against it, looking up at you as I do, one hand still stroking your shaft as I fall to my knees in front of you. I slip my tongue from between my lips and slide it against the tip, swirling around it, tonguing it softly before taking the head in my mouth. I look up at you as I do, hearing your groan of pleasure, letting out a moan myself as I taste you, fresh from the shower we took together, but still tasting like you.

I relish the flavor, the texture of you in my mouth, sliding so easily between my lips, and I instantly want more. I slip my lips down, slowly, then back up, starting to move my head back and forth, my hand still holding the base of your cock for a few strokes before I slide my lips all the way down. Taking the entirety of your hardening cock between my lips I feel it press against the entrance to my throat and make me gag softly, but I hold there for a moment before sliding back, my hand moving to your balls and playing with them softly as I begin to repeat the process of taking you in my mouth. I can hear your noises of approval, and feel the ultimate approval now hard between my lips.

Your hand slides to my hair, but I continue what I’m doing, every so often stopping with just the cock head in my mouth and suckling on that, letting my tongue slip around it, playing with the spongy texture. I look up at you when I can, to see your face as I work you in my mouth, slowly, deliberately, both wanting to keep up the exquisite torture and to slam my lips down on your length and fuck your cock with my face.

Instead, you tug me back, off your shaft, my mouth still moving forward, wanting you back between my lips, but you have other plans. You urge me up and I look at you, curiously, before you guide me to the edge of the dining table. I smile, and have an idea of what is coming as you bend me over it at my waist, and I’m suddenly very glad that I cleared it off yesterday.

I wiggle my ass as it’s perched on the side of the table, just the perfect height for this, moving my hands beside myself, groaning as i feel you press against my slick hole, slipping easily inside of me, filling me up, full and perfectly. I lick my lips and grind back against you, feeling you slide your hands to my arms, tugging them behind my back and trapping them loosely together with a hand. I could move my hands away, but I don’t want to, the feeling of being helpless courses through me even though I’m not and it makes me want you even more, if that’s at all possible.

I feel you move within me, taking me, hard and fast, as you know I love to be taken. You slide your free hand forward, up my back and around to my throat, holding the back softly for a moment as you slide in and out of me, even as i grind myself back. I moan, cry out, loudly with each thrust. Your fingers slip around to the front of my throat, holding there for a moment, cutting off just a slight amount of air before sliding to my lips. I open my mouth to take them inside, but instead you move your palm over the open lips and move to pinch my nose with your fingers, I take in as much air as I can just before you pinch my nose, then hold it, because I’m unable to do anything else.

I can feel my hot cunt contract around your shaft as you continue to move within me. I hold my breath as long as possible without fighting and the moment I start to shudder and squirm away from it you let go, for a few moments, allowing me to pant and gasp for air before doing the same again. You hold a little longer this time, making my body shudder and fight against the hold on me, but your grip on my wrists tightens, and you don’t move your hand from my mouth and nose.

My body elates, but struggles back against the lack of breath, both loving and hating when you do this to me. Feeling you press into me so deliciously, aching for you to find that edge. I let a muffled groan escape against your mouth from the air I’m holding in as I feel your pace increase, driving me wild, but unable to make those sounds of pleasure which come so easily to me. You finally let go, and I gasp, pant, make a few groans of pleasure and annoyance as I’m able to, grinding back against you as I hear you chuckle softly at my eagerness, not curbed by the asphyxiation. If anything it heightened my arousal, you know this as well as I do.

You continue to move within me, faster and faster, every so often moving your hand over my mouth, taking your pleasure out on my body, and I love every second of it. Your movements designed to bring us both so much pleasure. I feel you getting frantic, close, and just before you do, you pull out and turn me around, surprised, I move easily for you.

Your hands move to my hair and you slam your cock into my waiting mouth, letting me taste my juices on your shaft as you start fucking my face as vigorously as you were fucking my cunt. Your grunts of closeness turn me on even more as I gag and choke on your cock, my throat letting out gurgles and grunts. I close my eyes tightly as you use my face so easily, waiting for that moment when you flood me with your essence.

I hear you groan, feel you shudder and slam into my throat, as I shudder as well, feeling you start to cum in me, your seed flowing down my throat, making me swallow it. You slowly pull out, but my lips wrap around your shaft and milk it for every drop, swirling my tongue around the tip and moaning softly against your flesh. I finally let go and grin up at you, your hand sliding to pet my hair softly.

“There’s your breakfast, my pet. Now,” you help me up, and turn me toward the kitchen, patting my ass softly, “let’s finish mine.”

I laugh and turn to kiss you deeply, wrapping my arms around you and pressing our naked bodies against each other for another moment, my release not forgotten, but postponed for the moment, as I know you will return in kind after we eat.

Tease Me

Read in Episode #2 of The Sacred and Shameless Sexcast.

i perk up as you walk in the room, moving to sitting position, slightly awkwardly coming to rest sitting up on my knees, my head less than an inch away from the dark steel top of the cage.

You left me here, waiting, aching, after you came by and knelt by my cage, pressed your cock through the bars, knowing i would quickly wrap my lips around it, that i would try to slowly tease you as you have been teasing me all day. As i slowly slid my lips up and down your shaft, i could feel it grow in my mouth, and i felt your fingers slip into my hair, tugging it into a mass behind my head, gripping it tightly, but still letting me control the movements.

i was continually anticipating you slamming my lips down on your length, waiting for you to start using my mouth to get off with, aching for you to take control, even as i was helpless and locked up for you. My head was down by your crotch, my ass high up behind me in the cage as i rested on my forearms and knees, wiggling my ass in the air in excitement, hearing my jewelry tinkle slightly in the room, mixing with the moans escaping my lips. We both know how wet i get just from the pleasure of having your cock between my lips.

When it finally happened i gasped anyway, despite having anticipated it. i felt you slam into my throat, and then start fucking my face with heated vigor. i moaned, squeezed my thighs together, and dug my fingernails against the unrelenting steel floor. i tried to look up at your face as you used mine, but unable to see up that high as you move me to meet your pace, feeling it increase as you got closer to cumming.

i heard you growl only moments before feeling you spurt into my mouth, moaning as you did, tasting you, whimpering as you pulled from my lips, even as i felt you soften between them. I darted my tongue out to lick the tip, pressing my face against the bars as you pulled back, hearing your chuckle at my eagerness, i looked up at you and blushed softly before pulling back from the bars.

You slipped your hand through the bars and stroked my hair softly, down my cheek, smiling and saying “good girl.” My heart elated, my body tingled, and a smile curled my lips, you’re the only one i like hearing that phrase from.

“I try.” Came my cheeky reply, then a sweet smile and an addition, “thank you, Master.”

You moved around the cage quickly then, as i was on my hands and knees and slipped two fingers easily into my wet folds, making me groan and move back down onto my forearms, grinding myself back against you. Your thumb found my clit, making me gasp, whimper, grind back against you even harder, before you cruelly took your hand away as quickly as you had placed it. I whimpered and you just shook your head, bringing one of the fingers to your lips, i lick mine as i watch you suck it softly. My lips opened, i slid my tongue out to rest on my bottom lip, patiently waiting for your other finger to be brought to my lips. You let me taste my lust, as i could feel how soaked i am for you. Looking up into your eyes as i sucked your finger, teasing my tongue against it, suckling as if it was something else.

Then you left again, went into another room, where i don’t know, making me wonder, making me wait, locked up, not allowed to touch myself, squirming, alone in my cage. i shifted, lay down, and waited.

Although i am allowed to speak i don’t. i don’t want to be the first to do so, i watch you instead. the time away has hardened me slightly towards you, my mind taking me all sorts of places while i wait for you. though i look up at you and the fight that had built in me while you were gone dissipates, and only the need remains.

despite my silence, i know that my need for you is evident, in the way i sit up as you enter the room, the way my eyes follow you as you advance towards me, the way i scoot closer to the steel of the cage, my eyes darting between your face and between your legs. trying to hide the lust in my eyes, but knowing i’m unable to, knowing you can see it, see right through me.

The simple presence of you makes me hyperaware of the need building inside me. I have allowed you control over me, and now I surrender that control, after silently fighting against it while you were away. You make me want to give in to you, you make me want to give over my control to you, just by seeing you, simply by your presence before me, towering over me.

You kneel by the cage yet again, watching me, sliding your hand through to me and petting me again. i smile, looking at you, pressing my face towards your hand, parting my lips as you bring a finger to them, letting me suck it again, sliding my tongue against it before pulling it into my mouth, watching you all the while, as you watch me.

You grin and take your hand away, and i whimper, waiting. Your hand moves to the lock on the cage, undoing it and then sliding a couple fingers into my collar, tugging me out by it, making me crawl out of the cage. You lead me around, walk me to the middle of the room, then move behind me. i hear your zipper just before you press my shoulders down, i rest myself again on my forearms, wiggling my ass back at you, pressing it back towards you, as i look over my shoulder, not able to see your face, but looking back anyway.

i press my cheek to the cool concrete beneath me as i feel the head of your cock pressing against my opening. i whimper yet again, wanting you, aching for you after a long day of teasing, of almost orgasms, and near fullness. Wanting you inside me so badly, i press back and you just chuckle and rub the head against my greedy hole, teasing me still, one of your hands moving to between my shoulders, pressing me down against the floor, pinning me there as you continue to tease.

i shudder and moan loudly as i finally feel you press against me, though slowly, still teasing, making me want even more. i grind back against you and you just pull away again. my head turns back, trying to see you, your hand pressing me down against the cold rough floor. “Please…” i plead. “Please, Master.”

“Please what?”

i groan, bite my lip, not wanting to say more, but aching so delightfully, all of my body alive with want. i struggle within myself, your hand moving from my back to my face, sliding your finger against my lips, starting to press again, slowly, within me, before backing away again, making me whimper again.

“What do you want, my pet?” You pause, and i say nothing. “Please what?” You prompt again.

i take in a deep breath, the words on my tongue, we both know i don’t beg easily. As much as i love to give myself to you, it’s hard for me to get the words out, it’s hard for me to actually give up my pride that much in order to beg for what i want, to plead, even though i desperately want to. i want to get myself to so base a level where i actually can just beg easily, to be able to give all of myself to you that easily, and not that which i keep for myself. i wanted you to make me beg, i wanted you to make me want you so badly my lust overpowered my overanalyzing brain and i could just scream my lust into the air, beg openly, freely, easily. And i’m damn close to that point.

i dart my tongue out at your finger, trying to distract you, or distract myself from what you’re trying to get me to do. You let me suck on it for a few moments, then trail the spit-covered finger across my cheek. i can feel the line of it cooling against my hot skin. You prompt me again, ask me, try to get me to beg. i press back as an answer, but that’s not good enough.

You pull away, again, completely, and just slide that same finger which was in my mouth back to my cunt, sliding it to my clit and rubbing at it so perfectly, making me moan and grind back against you, press my cheek harder to the floor. i moan with every exhale, start to get close to the edge, and just then you pull your hand away.

i gasp and whimper, grind back in need, my mind clouded, but knowing that was the final straw, the final push i needed to get me to say what we both want to hear.

“Please, Master, please, fuck me, fuck me hard, please.”

You pause for a moment, continue to tease my aching hole, then slip your cock inside me quickly, making me cry out, slamming me down against the floor. i feel a finger pressing against my tender backdoor, sliding into my ass and making me tremble, i grind back against your thrusts.

“What else do you want my sweet whore?”

i shudder again, loving to hear you call me names which some would find offensive, and i find complimentary. i bite my lip again, despite my admission, suddenly shy again, but only for a moment.

“Fuck my ass… please?” It comes out in a loud whisper, loud enough for both of us to hear it.

i can feel the grin on your face, even though you don’t say anything, and i can’t see you. You pull out and swiftly bury yourself in my aching ass. i gasp and moan and whimper and cry, each moment making me want a little more, each moment sending me farther towards climbing over that pinnacle. i slide one of my hands beneath me, balancing myself on that shoulder, move to rub at my clit as you pump yourself in and out of my greedy ass.

Your hands move to my hips, gripping me as you use me so wonderfully, my finger on my clit not taking long to get me close, get me there, get me over the edge, cumming hard for you as you fuck my ass so deliciously. You continue to move in me, filling me, as i bring myself to another point, making myself cum again, all thought stalled, unable to think of anything but the sensations you elicit from me. i hear your familiar groan as you get close, as you start cumming in me, as i, at nearly the same time, bring myself to that point as well, our moans mixing in the air, then gasping for breath.

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